Ana Katia | Fourteen Days

0:00Welcome to the Open Adoption Project. We're the Nelsons. I'm Lanette. And I'm Shaun. In this episode, Lanette has a conversation with Anna Katia, who is an adoptee who was adopted from Costa Rica. We're really excited to share this episode with you because it's another adoptee voice, and that's really our favorite thing to share. One thing in particular I like about her story is that though reunification happens and a lot of miracles happen along the way, it doesn't exactly look like the storybook ending that one might imagine or that she might have imagined, decides to cut off to cuando

0:35but that she is so positive and sees so much good throughout the whole experience. We really hope that you enjoy this episode with Anna Katia. We are here on the podcast with Anna Katia. Anna Katya, thank you so much for being here with us. Absolutely, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

1:06Well, I am adopted from the country of Costa Rica, and I was brought to America at the age of three, and then raised with an American family of eight. I got to be able to learn like, what's America about? And then, you know, be able to learn in time about my own country and returning home. For me, I'm a pretty, I like to be around people and be social, but I also liked quiet time.

1:39But I had a lot of energy when I was younger. So for me, I had some hobbies like reading and writing, but what I loved doing being, you know, my kind of more spastic side, energetic side. When I was a kid, I really was into gymnastics, and I was a gymnast, thought, hey, I could go to Olympics. I was quite the dreamer, but yeah, just a love of people and just life. Yeah, and my interactions with you, as we set this up, I was just very impressed by your optimism

2:11and the sunshine that you just really carry with yourself. Oh, thanks so much. I appreciate that. That's true, it's true. All right, well, can you tell us about your adoption story? You told us that you're an adoptee, that you were born in Costa Rica. Can you go ahead and just share what your journey has looked like with that? Coming to America, it was probably the first wake-up call, just coming to a new country, looking at the faces of white people,

2:42and they were just so loving and kind and welcomed into quite a big family, a lot of siblings and about five brothers and two sisters, two younger sisters. So we had quite the ongoings in home. And so the adoption itself was beginning this journey of just learning, like, where am I and what's happening? And a lot of things were really good. And so just being so young, it was just natural

3:13that things you want to accept are good and great. And they weren't perfect, but they were really what I needed. I mean, I'm coming from my basic needs from when I was adopted from my country. My country was a situation where I was coming from an orphanage. And then before that, I had very little that had come from being brought by, you know, raised for a little bit there on top of one of the mountains in Costa Rica,

3:44the city of San Vito, and then the state coming to get me and bring me to my orphanage. But I had little food, little clothing, nothing was around then. So I really was not introduced to seeing very many people. There was no schools around, hospitals around, stores around, there was nothing around me. I mean, literally on top of a mountain. And so it could be miles and miles

4:16before anything was around. And I just, my days were described as sitting on the dirt by myself or with a sibling, a brother or sister that were close in age. We're all about a year apart and there's three of us. So yeah, and then I moved into America where there's plenty, a good home and parents and family. And that took some adjusting, you know, I'm sure. I mean, I went to an orphanage and I did have a bed and they took care of me and I had all these things,

4:47but I think it's still such an adjustment to come to America since I was only in the orphanage for about a year and a half. And then adjusting to that was very exciting and fun and so much love in my family and my extended family, a plethora of everything. But the adoption journey was to understand that my parents were very open with my adoption. Information was not available because my birth mother literally lived on top of a mountain. And so the only time really the public

5:19or the government had any record was when they finally had tracked her down because she was marked like as a wanderer, which just meant she meant wander the town. She wasn't easily to be found, easy to find. They did get an interview and they finally were able to get some more information, but really a lot of the information was only obtained there as well. We didn't even know that all this was released or even available until I returned. So you came to America when you were three years old?

5:49Yes. Wow, and you can remember parts from your time in Costa Rica before? I don't recall anything actually from the time before. The only time I recall is coming to America and beginning that journey there. And that's usually, for me, that's where I feel the journey begins because that's where I started noticing and remembering surroundings. But anything before that, I would have dreams just, there were just sometimes just weird dreams and stuff, but nothing that identified or specific. And no, I didn't have things that came to me.

6:20As I would understand now, they just were forgotten. As you were growing up, your family was very, your adoptive family was very open and talking about your adoption, it sounds like. Absolutely. They were very open. And even from, when we came, it was always so age appropriate. It was always very, my mom was very, my adopted mother was very mindful of that. She would just be simply just, I don't know, she was so natural at just, when I was young, it was like,

6:51oh, I'll give you the obvious, you're from Costa Rica. And this is sometimes what you'll see in Costa Rica. We had encyclopedias, you don't have much of the internet because I don't think it had even come out. I'm aging myself right now, but I don't think the internet had come out. But if I want to pull something off the shelves of Costa Rica or the encyclopedia, I always would turn to, look for the letter C and look for my country and just anything that I could learn. And then my parents, especially my mother, because she was in the home, the most adopted mother,

7:23she would just talk to me like, yeah, this is where we adopted you from this orphanage. And we did have two letters from the orphanage, two or three, I can't remember. And she would read me the letters from the lady of the orphanage, which they called the mama, kind of who's in charge, and then the volunteers. So that was really precious. And I still have those letters to this day, but she was also very sympathetic, like just, I'm sorry, there's not more. And we could have had more, but there just isn't,

7:54like no one has it, not even the orphanage. It just kind of was what it was. And she did celebrate some things with us in our cultural holidays from Costa Rica. It looks like she did a little research, but just kind of fun that she always left it open. We could always talk, I could ask questions. I remember I have some record in my journal, mommy, like, why are you, why is my skin brown and why is yours white? I had things happen that I knew I was from another country.

8:25I knew there was a different life I had experienced because I did have a couple of fears. When I was in bed, I often felt there were spiders and bugs crawling all over me. It was a huge nightmare for me as a little kid, but it was definitely dependent on just not understanding and forgetting so much before I came. And so I would tuck, every night was kind of this like, or whenever it came, these just overwhelming feelings of things being all over me,

8:55I would tuck my sheets in real tight and put them around my feet and all these things. And we had an open conversation about a lot of things, but when it came to my adoption and information and where did I come from, but when it came to those personal things, I have to admit, I wasn't quite open about those, especially if it scared me. Whenever I got scared, I would just keep it to myself. I didn't really go to ask, like, why did I, did I have something happen there? Or is there something that I can know more? But really the conversation was there, it just wasn't a lot there that they could even,

9:25they had even attained from the orphanage itself and the records. So as you grew older, did you begin learning more about Costa Rica or how did you start preparing to eventually go back to your home country? It's interesting to me how life, you just never realize that anything in your life, anything that you're studying, anything you're doing, anyone you're meeting, the gifts and talents you have, they are leading to places that you just can't imagine

9:55and they are, they're walking to places to awake other things that you have no idea are coming. For me, some of them were my fears too. So I had a dreams and I had fears and the dreams were, and no one knew this, it's kind of like my own little secret, that whenever a birthday came, and I started this about, when things started really clicking, it was about eight, nine years old, just my mind started understanding the rights and wrongs and just different things,

10:27and that life's not perfect, family's not perfect, I'm not perfect. And I started asking the real questions like, who am I? Where did I come from? Retained to my country and identity started really being what I wanted to know, how do I identify with myself and my surroundings? So I actually one, knew in my soul and I had this message or purpose that kept coming to me that I wanted to meet my birth mother. So I had the secret thing that each birthday,

10:58when I blew my candles out, I would wish to fly home. And my adopted mom actually made her birthday cakes and she'd say, what do you want for your birthday cake? And she would make it into anything we wanted and it could be like really anything, a character or an animal or anything. And I always interestingly realized later that I had always picked the butterfly. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like I wanted wings. Like I wanted to fly, I wanted to go,

11:29and I wanted to go home. I mean, it was very, very in sync with this inner, just this inner knowing that this wish had to be said each time that I wanna fly home. And I'm, with every fiber of my being, I meant it. And I didn't even know what fly meant. It was just kind of like, just fly, like just get there. So yeah, so learning about how do I prepare? How would I get there? I then have fears. I had considered some things,

11:59especially getting to my preteen years, they start offering languages or different things for schools. And I thought about my background and I had looked up things when the encyclopedia or later when the internet did come out and learned more about the country and was like, hey, did he speak Spanish? I really need to learn Spanish. And I really assumed for myself, I'm totally got this. It's in my blood. I'm gonna speak this and I'm gonna learn it. And I'm very studious little girl, young woman now.

12:30And I always wanted, I was kind of like the, I had to learn in time, but I wanted to be the perfect child. I wanted to get the perfect grades. And I was just a very high achiever. And it was okay with me. I was happy in it. But I, so because of that, I thought I would take Spanish and I'll be great. And I didn't really like language much. I knew that, but I took it anyways. And I signed myself up. I don't think I even told my adopted mother. I just signed up, I'm doing this.

13:02And I took the class and ended up getting a D. That it was hard. It was shocking. I knew for myself why I needed that class and what a good grade meant and what understanding this language meant to me. It was one of those days, definitely, that my feet moved slower coming home from school and coming, and again, when it's really hard like that, because I want things to go so well all the time, it was so hard just dealing with what was hard

13:34and identifying with my questions. I didn't tell my mom. I would often go to my room and just reflect and, wow, that stinks. That really stinks, I would think. That's part of the preparatory, right? I know that life wasn't perfect, but I did go into my high school years, I did really well. Life just happened where things were really great and really hard, even in my adopted family. And soon over time, I wasn't quite seeing

14:05that this goal I had in mind was really, well, wasn't coming to pass, but as well as just, it was really heavy to hold and believe in, and I just felt like a country was so far away, I had never traveled yet. So to me, traveling felt like a million miles away, but I had never flown by myself or on my own. And to do that on my own was just like, what? I did get to a point, to be honest, and I don't know if others have experienced this

14:36in their adoption, but I had faith in what I knew. I had hope, but I honestly think hope at times took a back seat and I became full bliss. It was really hard. I wanted my life to go forward and I want to accomplish things as well. And so for me, it was, I'm turning 18 soon. It's been almost 18 years. I'm stink at my language.

15:06I don't even know how I get bored of playing. How do I pay for this? Who do I go with? Cause I'm not going by myself. And all these insecurities and fears and just, yeah, just developed. And I was brought into a very religious home. And for me, prayer and God and trust and faith was everything to me, just everything. And so I continued my prayers. I didn't stop, but I just was holding on threads sometimes

15:36with just hope, hope and faith, just that time somewhere stronger than others. And you got to 18 and then part of my preparatory of like this goal was like, I think honestly as weird as it sounds, is sometimes walking away from your goal, but realizing that the reality of some things and the faith it takes to have other things happen and miracles to happen, that you need to be weak at times. And you need to say that you can't do it all.

16:06And that there might be times that you won't accomplish. It's just the reality, especially with the mind and the soul. And it was really crushing because could that be my reality? I moved out and I thought, okay, so if I can't grasp that, I can grasp moving out, being on my own, being productive and I'll do that. So I graduated, I had great grades, I decided to work, I had roommates and it was so fun.

16:36I just forgot, I just didn't wanna think about that anymore. I had stopped writing about it and thinking about it. And then in 1999, I was walking out to my mailbox and life decided to bring me something special. I would be saying my mailbox and I would meet a gentleman and what I wouldn't know is that this would change the course of my entire life.

17:06I had given up hope, I really had. I had moved on, but I was happy in my life. I had chosen to be happy in my life and what I had, even though I had great sorrow. So it's interesting being in joy and sorrow at the same time, all the time, all the time. But I met this man that was yelling out to me on the lawn and he said, hey, and I was like, who is this random man yelling my name? Hey, and as he got closer, I realized he was my age

17:38and he is a bit handsome, I won't lie. I was dating and at that age, he seemed really nice, a huge smile and he said, hey, I'm so and so. And I just was wondering, I wanna ask you a question, are you Costa Rican? I'm like, oh, random. Again, he was my age and you could really tell he was just like this, I don't know if he was in college, but you could tell he was just hanging out with his buddies and whatever. So he, and I said, kind of reluctantly,

18:10but I was like, yeah, I am and how would you know that was my second thought, because I was just like, how do you even, because I just wasn't good at that. I just saw everyone as the same, I just loved everyone. And he was just like, oh, duh, of course you are, like you look like Tika and I'm like, Tika, what's Tika? And he's like, that's what you are, like Costa Ricans, like I'm a Tiko and you're a Tika and I'm like, oh, I'm a Tika. So I was like, this is like brand new, like, okay,

18:41totally different in my day. And then he said, I went to high school here and I was like, oh, why don't I know you? Because I had ran on track and I had done, like interacted with a lot of people from different schools and met people too, just as friends. Anyways, it was interesting that we had a cross paths earlier and then he said, well, I'm adopted too. And I'm like, wait, what? And he's like, from Costa Rica and I'm Costa Rican and I'm like, whoa, whoa. And he's like, and I went back, you know, I was a missionary and I went, I was called to Costa Rica, our country.

19:11I'm like, what? And he returned home and he had found his birth mother. So all this interaction happened like within like 10 minutes. And so I'm like, what? I keep saying, what's going on? And we just kind of just stood there like, this is so cool, but this is so like crazy. Like, so he, I need to go get to the gym and get to my job. So we exchanged numbers and he said, I will,

19:41oh, how about I show you some pictures from there? Because I'm like, yeah, I've only looked at like, but I can on the internet. Like I'm really horrible at technology, I said, and also the encyclopedia. And he's like, no, I got real pictures. I got pictures of our country, you know, like I'll show you pictures. So he's like, how about we meet at your adopted mom's place and we can show them to her too, you know, or your parents place. And it's like, yeah. So we had planned that like in the next couple weeks or something. And so this path of getting there,

20:11this journey should go back. This was desired of me, but this time to be have this interaction happen was not chosen to me. That's not something that like, I just went, you know, and investigated and found this person like literally out of the blue. And he then let me know quickly, I had asked him, so do you even live here? And he's like, no, I don't. And I'm like, oh, okay. And he's like, my friends live here. I'm like, oh, okay. And so I thought that was kind of odd.

20:43And I'm like, all right. So we went home and I'm sorry. So we went to our own places and I went to work. And then later we stayed in touch, just as, you know, talking a little bit here and there. And then he's like, you still good to, you know, show pictures. I said, yeah. So we made it a point with my mom, like some good time with my mom, headed over there, sat down, talked about things. And this is really where,

21:13when you talk preparation, some preparation is not chosen by us from what I believe. I believe we have a choice in the desires of our heart, but because I had put those out there, I'm sure that's why it happened. But there's things I didn't specifically physically choose. It just happened. So when he arrived at my house, he has shown us the pictures and I was so excited. I was getting really hyper, like hyper itself had come back, my gymnast self. And I'll go grab my baby book.

21:46So I got excited and went downstairs and I hurried up the stairs with my baby book, which was really heavy. And my mom was really good at jam packing it with stuff. Who would think that this baby book would like, yeah, you know, kids just had thought it would really mean anything, but I loved it. But I was like, now I really want to share this. So I shared it with him and he asked me all these questions about my adoptive family. And my mom was sitting there with us, she was who was home and answered all our questions and answered his questions.

22:16And then he opened up the book and he started going through it. And she had asked how we met and I said, oh, I'm on the lawn. She's like, okay, that's not random. You know, like this is why we're meeting at your house, mom, cause you know, kind of stranger. She's like, yep. But he had flipped through the book of my baby book. And he was now looking at my pictures. And when he turned the page, I turned back to look at him and I looked down

22:48and his finger is pressed on one of the pictures. And I looked at his face and I'm like, that is not the same facial features you had before. His mouth is just wide open. His eyes look like they're gonna pop out of his head. And I'm like, what? And he's like, Anna, what are my adopted parents doing in your baby book? And I'm like, wait, what? And he points again to the picture.

23:18He goes, that's my adopted mom. That's my adopted dad. Like those are my parents. And I'm like, looked at my adopted mom. I'm like, what? What? How do you, like, do you know them? And then my adopted mom leaned forward and she was like, hold on. She's like, Wade, who are your parents? And he's like, oh, so and so. Wait, where did they adopt from? Oh, this is the name.

23:48And she's like, okay, guys, I gotta tell you something. So our parents are friends. Just like what? And then he goes, why is my adopted mom holding a little girl in the picture? And I said, that's my little sister from another country. And my mom, again, we both look at her like, what's going on? And she's like, okay, so Wade, she's like, your mom helped us bring Anna's little sister.

24:22And he's like, I remember that. I remember my mom saying something about helping this lady like bring a baby little girl or little baby girl. And I'm like, what? We are just looking at each other. And once that conversation had happened, we knew, we knew without a doubt, this guy I had met on the lawn, out of the blue, out of how many people, I was like, you're sitting on my couch and your adoptive parents are in my baby book. Like there is something here.

24:53And that's what began us going, this is serious and we need to pay attention. So that made the road for a couple more months or so. I was working and he made the call one day and he felt very impressed that he needed to go back and go back with his buddies back to the country, which he hadn't said anything about the plans or anything. He just kept talking with me, calls me at my work and pretty much says over the phone on my lunch break, hey, we're going back, we're purchasing tickets.

25:23You have a couple of days to let us know. Do you wanna come back to Costa Rica? And I'm just like, I'm just at work. And he's like, I wanna go back, we're going back. Do you wanna come with us? And I will help you find your birth mother. And I was just, oh my gosh. And that's what really began that opportunity was not of myself, but of this person being brought into my life. We're going back. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah. So it's incredible.

25:53That's why I call, I mean, the book I've written and the story finally written for my posterity and for many others that are going through this or have their own journeys. I had named it 14 days because that was the number of days it took to find the things that I had desired and that whether I received them or not, that I was just fully accepting of anything.

26:23I had finally just felt like I was just heard and I could go back and I could board a plane and I could land and I could breathe in the air of my country and meet my people and find my orphanage. And that reunion was amazing. I found the lady from the orphanage and it was just, yeah, it was great that my parents were very open about my adoption. That enhanced my stability to say I can go forward.

26:55I need help. It actually fueled me to finally, when I was leaving, ask for help, ask for assistance. This is my time. This is the time. It is okay because you guys have been so kind, loving, warm and open with my adoption story and who I am. I could finally do that. Finally asked them and they did support me. Amazing, so what did your experience regarding reunion end up looking like? It was so beautiful, but it was very unknown

27:27because nothing, I literally had two letters from the orphanage and the name of my birth mother. I literally arrived with the name of my birth mother. I didn't have anything other than that. And the first reunion would be the extremely emotional reunion. I was entering the orphanage and meeting the mama of the orphanage. And when I had finally arrived there by many miracles, which are in my book, literally by not my own doing.

28:02When I had finally arrived and she had seen me and I had seen her, what I do know from that course of interaction was that for me, I will always know and believe that from the top of my, like the crown of my head down to my toes, I just had been overwhelmed by this warm embracing, just like this love that was just like so encompassing. And I know it almost was like it washed my whole body.

28:32And I just, we had been facing each other in the hall, walking towards each other, but we didn't know who each other was because she had so happened walked out of her office. She felt very prompted to walk out of her office from a conference meeting. And I had slipped away from the secretary's desk, which I wasn't supposed to. And I walked down the same hall and that's where we had met eye to eye. And she called out my name and she knew who I was 18 years later. And she's like, Anacatia? She's just like, Anacatia, maybe a dog. And I was just like, wait, whoa, whoa,

29:02why does this lady know my name? And then gave my mind a split second, like how would she know my name? And then she called out my brother and sister's name. And then I was like, hey, and I looked at her and that's when the whole encompassing experience of my body occurred. And it wasn't me who knew her, like, you know people, but what is incredible and what I know now is that your heart never forgets love. It never forgets the person because it never forgets love.

29:35And that was the love that I was feeling. I was recalling the love that we had, that she had sacrificed to share how she showed up in my life to be the mama and take care. And just the love I had for her back, it was all encompassing. And we just cried and it was awesome and cried and smiled and sat down and got a breath and she talked to me safe and good and happy in America and yes, and what are you doing here? We literally surprised her.

30:06I mean, there was no heads up. There was nothing for her to even, she had no idea what was coming. And she just welcomed it just so humbly and so much kindness. And then she asked about my birth mother, which was always a very tender spot. And now I'm standing, like sitting with her and she asked, do you still wanna meet her? And I said, yeah, I do. But she said, okay.

30:38And she's like, I know we didn't provide a lot of stuff cause we just didn't have any, which was great to hear the validation cause that's what my parents had said. So for other people in this experience or other people that might be looking at this experience, there can be a lot of validation too if that's what's supposed to happen. And that's what it was for me is this validation that what my parents had said. I had applaud my parents for being as exact as they can, being as honest they can. I believe that is helpful,

31:09but I know there is a time and a place and there's also a time and place of information. What they had provided for me was what they knew. And that was very validating that she was saying the same thing. This is all we know. But I have, she pulled out a card from her pocket and she said, because you've waited so long. She's like, actually, I mean, the good part was is that she had moved up so high in her development of governments and lawyers and social work. I believe she was in Department of Social Work

31:39that she had a card to one of the top lawyers, which originally appointments take about six weeks for anything, six weeks, you're gonna ask for anything, you're waiting six weeks. I mean, it's kind of like here, like when you have a lawyer, you're not always hand and foot, they're not always available. You have to show a lot of documents, you have to show a lot of proof, a lot of different things with the government. And so she's like, here's the top lawyer, if you want anything. She's like, oh, how long are you guys here for? And we're like, 14 days. She's like, okay, well, those are like six week appointments.

32:11And we're like, we're here for 14 days and we want everything. So she said, if you want any chance for the records, go and talk to these people and that's what you can do first. And so we did. We found the patronato, which is the government. Thankfully, this guy that I had gone with and his friends, he knew this path because he had already been on it. And I was like, okay, this is like, yeah, this is like the top, like the best. So I was supposed to remain quiet

32:42because obviously I did not know the language, but I knew that was for a purpose so I can understand everything else. I was, it was good that I never spoke the language because just to have that first experience, I would go home and just sleep hours on hours. It was very exhausting. It took everything out of me. It was just right, but it was exhausting. And then we went to the patronato. We did find the lawyer. We talked to her. We had an interesting interaction.

33:12She wasn't very happy. She asked us if we made an appointment, we told her no. And she's like, well, then you make one and you wait six weeks like everyone else. And she walked away. We interrupted her lunch break and she was not happy. And then we were like, we need help. So that journey to just get the records while I'm there, it was very vital, very, very vital because if I did not get the records, this is if it's even in the records, this is just a hope and prayer

33:43but then what I needed most was a city name. So A was my mother, even my birth mother, even alive. And what city is she in now? Has she moved? And what is the city name that I was born in? They didn't even have that. So that's why the records were necessary because I won't find her at all without the city name. So anyways, we turned around and yeah, she said like, go away pretty much. So we turned around and we headed out the office

34:13out of the hallway to leave the building. And it only took less than a few minutes and she turned around and she started hollering at us. And we're just like, oh, great. What does she want? Because we already like made her so mad. Like, what do we do now? And she came, she led us up the stairs and she came and she talked to us and she just looked straight at me in the eyes, just right in the eyes. And she stopped and she paused and she just said,

34:43I need to help you. I was like, what? She's like, I need help you and I need to get you what you are looking for and I need to get it to you now. And she's like, I promise you before you leave, you will have your records in your hands and we will help you. And I'm like, wow. Like we're both, Wade and I were just looking at each other like, did this just happen? And nothing else mattered. There were no rules. There were no questions.

35:14There were no, it was what needs to be done at this time and what is right to do. And she led us up the stairs and we got the records and we went through the records and I found and that all the experiences in the book and everything. But we went through all those, we did obtain the city name and then we chose, we're in the last few days of the week because all this stuff takes time. And we pretty much get to the day before we're supposed to leave the next morning, we're supposed to fly back to America.

35:46And we would need to, if I did anything or went to find her, I would need to take the chance of going into my city and just try to find her before we left. It's not like there was a location or address or anything. I just had the city. So we ended up driving into the city and this purpose of, we call it reunion was the second reunion of my birth mother.

36:17This purpose was to obtain first to know she was alive, what city was she in? And so we went in and we asked the people and we started driving and he's like, I don't know how we're gonna do this. I said, I don't know either, we're literally crazy. We're crazy. Like this is how I describe it to people here because they're like, wait, how did you even do that? I said, think of it this way. So like here we have what we call the Y mountain. If someone said like, go to this mountain and like, but it's like, our mountains are like way bigger. Like pick a mountain and then like go to the top of it.

36:50And then somehow like figure out where on the mountain like this individual is. Like if I had known it was going that way, then I'd be like heck no. But literally that's what it was. That's what it was. It was when we entered in with the car, I felt very strongly to start asking people. I felt very impressed and impression came upon me. Ask the people, ask your native people, they will lead you. And I was like, oh my gosh, these are complete strangers. They're like, just hang your head out and start yelling her name.

37:20And I'm like, wait, what? Like, I just got this impression, start shouting her name, like call out her name. And I'm like, oh my gosh, oh, gives me chills now. And so we did. And the first person was like, oh wait, no, I don't know. And she was a nice little lady and something. And I do remember there was a man and he was like grumpy. It was an Appie. They had bee places and they had their work and their fruit and just things that were caring. And my people are so beautiful.

37:51And he's like really mad. He's like, I don't know anything. Like in Spanish, she was yelling. And my friend was like, he's not happy. So he said no. And I was getting frustrated because I'm like, are we really gonna do this? This is crazy. And I kept getting the same answer. And so what I did get next was as clear as day, which held me to the very end of the goal was, the reunion was listen to the yeses and ignore the nos. That's all you have to do is listen to the yeses

38:22and ignore the nos. They will lead you. I'm like, oh my gosh. So we kept going. And sooner or later, out of all the hills, mountainous hills, a person did tell us, I don't know how they're like, oh, she's over there. Like I've heard her, she used to live over here once because this is 18 years later, right? So apparently I'm starting to now learn that these people probably had seen her or heard of her from years ago and knew like where she lived.

38:53So she pointed to us to a mountain, we started heading up it. We did the same thing on the mountain. We get to the top of the mountain and it's getting dark. And I had already been warned by my friend if it gets dark or this or that. We are Tikka and Tico, but we look like Americans. Like we have American things, we have an American car. It's just not safe. I don't know the area, I've never been here. And he's literally going on a prayer too. What he didn't tell me later was like, he was lost a lot of the times. Yeah, I'm glad he never told me. Don't tell me you're lost. But he just followed like people.

39:25So we went up this mountain, the one mountain we were led to. And we get to the top and it's dark. We have about literally five, 10 minutes. And he's like, we go to the top and we turn around Anna and we can go back down. He's like, cause that's the only way you can go up and go back down and someone helps us with a couple more clues. He's like, or we keep driving, we have to leave. He's like, it is dark, we have to leave. And this is where I am just not doing very well. I'm like, but we're almost there.

39:57And I have to fly home tomorrow to America. Like I'm not coming back. I'm not doing this, leaving and coming back. I've waited too long. And I'm like, no, we'll just do this. He's like, okay, let's turn around. Let's head back down the mountain and let's pray that somewhere on the mountain, someone's gonna say something. Yeah, it was helpful. But when you don't get the direction to go to the place, you don't get the direction, you have to just keep going.

40:27And it's dark. So it's getting dark. So he turns around, makes a U-turn. And as we're turning around and heading down the mountain, we are no more than like a minute into driving. And to the right, not many people are at the top. It's kind of like clearing with people walking. They've already gone to their own little shacks or homes. And there's this farmer standing there on the side of the mountain, random farmer, dude. What is that?

40:57And we're like, why don't we just ask him? Like we don't have a choice. So we asked him, we're like, we probably look like the biggest idiots, but we're like, okay, so we're yelling out, we've been calling out to your people this name and we're looking for Flor Mena Hidalgo. Do you know her? And he's like, wait, Flor Mena Hidalgo? We're like, yeah. And he's like, oh yeah. We're like, wait, what? He's like, Cece, which means yes, yes. And we're like, ugh.

41:27And Wade like translating everything to me. And we're like, wait, what? And then he goes, yeah. And he tells Wade in Spanish, yes, I've seen her. I just saw her an hour ago. And we're like, and Wade translates. And I'm like, what? He's like, your mom's alive. Your mom's alive. Your mom's alive. I'm like, holy cow. I'm like, what? So he's like, okay, we know she's alive. And then he goes, do you know where she is? You just said you saw her.

41:58You gotta know where she is. And he's like, because they're very chill, relaxed people. Well, I saw her. Yeah, she just passed me not too long ago. We're like, like past you, like walked by you, like right here. Oh yeah. We're like, what? She like walked by you? Yeah. Oh, okay. Where did she go? And he, we gotta tell us where she went. And he's like, oh, like her home, right? Yeah, like casa.

42:29Like her home. And he's like, oh, and he turns around and he points down the mountain. And he says, just down there. You just walked down there. Just cross the rocks, walk a little further, cross the bridge. You'll see some trees. You're here or the water, and you'll see an open pasture, it'll open up. He said, look for the open pasture. And her home should be there.

43:02So we passed the rocks and we saw the bridge and we saw the water, heard the water, and we saw the trees and we opened to a pasture. And I was like, holy moly, this is just like the record. This is incredible. Is she really here? Is she really here? And my friend turned to me and said, I'm gonna go first because we don't know this area. We don't know her, we don't know her state. We don't, we need to know it's safe. You know, he's a guy.

43:33We need to know it's safe and she's okay. So he went out and saw her and he was not gone very long. So she was very close. And he looked at me and said, holy moly. He's just like, she is just over there. I'm like, wait, wait, are you seeing, you saw her? He's like, Anna, your mother, your birth mother is just over there. Like she's only a few feet away. And I, oh my gosh.

44:03This was a different response in reunion. It was like, it was almost like everything I had experienced in my life because this started from the beginning for me. I was reliving, it's like this time trajectory of everything and that everything was lined up and nothing was missed and every second was accounted for. And I just grew weak in the knees. And I was like, what do we do? I'm like, we're praying, we're praying. And he's like, are you ready? He's like, are you ready? And I said, I'm not. And so we prayed and then he goes,

44:33Anna, I had to be honest with you. I've done this before. So if you make this decision, you're gonna have to be okay that you go forward. Cause I promise you, it will change the rest of your life. It's gonna change your life. And I just said, let's do it. Let's just do it. And I literally became that little child. I had not foreseen it. I did not go as Anna, the young adult. I went as the three year old. And what I mean by that is I literally started crunching down and hiding behind him

45:05as he led me towards her. I was weird. It was almost like I became this child that had gone back to this time of this time I had been home because I didn't even know I was ever gonna see my shack. I was just imagining my mom. I had no idea any of this was involved with the journey. I had signed up for a lot more, an incredible miraculous journey. And I'm like heading to my original shack of tin. And the description of it is incredible, which is in the book. And then he said, she's there.

45:38You can look now. And I popped my head out from the side of him and she was standing there. And I was like, oh my gosh. I had always had a hidden hope. Part of my identity. And this was just for me. It doesn't happen with everyone and that's okay. It's okay if it doesn't happen to you.

46:08But part of my identity for me was wondering if she looked anything like me. It's like I needed this validation. I had this insecurity, I don't know. It was very deep in me. And I just knew it had to make sense. And I said, does she look like me? I had forgotten about that. But when the moment came that I saw her, that was answered. I saw her face and the words came out of my mouth. She looks just like me.

46:39That's my birth mother. That is my mother. There was no doubt in my mind that that could be my mother because she did. She did in every way. I could see myself at 50 years old. You just held up a mirror and said, this is what you're gonna look like at 50. I was like, there I am. And it was just incredible. Walking towards her was almost just like a different, how do you say it? It was just intangible.

47:12It was just like this different world. It was just approaching her and she was there. And first he asked for a hug and she's like, no, no, no, no. And when she looked at me, she next had, she had thought we were the state or like some people. So she had some mental things going on. We couldn't quite understand this. She had either some mental disability or something that, and then some blocks from what had happened because the state had come in without her being there. So her kids were pretty much like taking,

47:43she came home to a home, we're gone. So yeah, so we made the, she asked for a hug and she said, no, no. And that hurt my heart really bad. And then he goes, well, what about picture? Because I was like, oh, I asked him, can I get a picture? Because then I can at least remember her. Because I'm not getting, this is not like the first reunion. I'm not gonna be getting a hug. I'm a pretty touchy feely person. And it hurt. And then he's like, well, can she get a picture? And my birth mother said, a picture has a thousand words.

48:17And I was like, what? Like, wait, what? She said, what? Like, who says that? Like we're on top of a mountain. Like, what the heck? And he's like, is that what she said? He's like, yeah. I'm like, okay, no picture. We snuck one. We didn't tell her. It got dark and we hurried and snuck one. But yeah, I was talking to her. We had less than about seven minutes, five, seven minutes. And then we needed to go, it was getting dark.

48:47And I was a little obsessed. I was like 18 years and seven minutes. And no hug, you know this. And then I looked down and I hadn't noticed that she had been holding her hand out. And I'm all in my mess and my thoughts and my hurt and my what had happened and choices people had made and her choices. And it was just so much.

49:18She was so beautiful. Everything was so joyous and sorrowful. And she had held her hand out. And then I looked down and she was holding a cucumber. Why is she holding a cucumber? And I looked at Wade and I'm like, what? What's going on with the cucumber? And he looked at me like, I don't know. I don't know. This isn't my experience. This is yours. And I was just like, what do I do? Like, do I take it?

49:48I don't know. Like, gracias. Like, thank you. And she kind of motioned to take it. And I was like, okay. So I took it and I held it. Oh, well, I may feel the hearts of other people and the hearts of those that love me. But after I took it, I felt my heart. I felt every part of my heart

50:18and all the love I had for my birth mother. But I also had all the feelings of the sorrowful and the hard parts of my heart. And I knew I had to leave. Now it's time to leave. And I had a cucumber in my hand. So I see my birth mother and I just thought, this is just, is this all? Is this all? Is this what it is? Is this what you, you're on top of a mountain and you're beautiful?

50:49And I just was almost like, what do you call it? Like this wrestle in me. And I had noticed that I had ill feelings. I had resentments. I had the reality of the whole heart, right? And then the moment came where I learned the greatest lesson, the most beautiful, beautiful. And it would be a course from the hands of my birth mother. Of course.

51:20And as I was holding that cucumber and thinking those thoughts, I had as clear as day, as clear as day say, this impression come to me. This is all that she has. And she's giving it to you. She's giving it to you. And so for me in my heart, I answered back. I answered back to her and her heart and just said,

51:50it's enough. This is enough. This is enough. And it was at that point, my identity had been answered, but also my worth. So I had one last thing was my worth. What am I worth? Am I worth? Where's our worth in this life? Where does it go? Where is it being? What is it? It's not because I met her. It's not because of these things. It was just, it was because we want to assume

52:20all these hard things just come from a certain place, but it just comes from being imperfect. It just becomes from people, but just being human. And that's the beauty of it is that we're all human. She was just human. She just had what she had. She was giving it to you. And that's what she had. That's who she was. This was her life. This was yours. And I realized because my mother, my birth mother, in that moment, I recognized she was of worth

52:54because she was just who she was, that was good enough. And because she was good enough, I was good enough. And I had worth. And that's there where I learned in that reunion that love comes differently and it shows up differently. And time tells of what we want to know and answers we want to get when it needs to. And miracles, miracles, if I share anything in my message

53:26that miracles abound and they abound and they are, and they will be as they are, and we cannot change them or make them or anything. They just will be. And we have to be accepting of how they come. That's the reunion of my birth mother. That is incredible. What a beautiful process that was. So what advice would you give to other adoptees who are looking for their biological families? Find a place, make some space,

53:56educate yourself on how to first love yourself and take care of yourself. Move forward with your life. Self-care is really important. Whether or not this occurred or not, I would still, especially if it had never occurred, this had never come, I still, my life would still have to go forward. I'd still need to be me. I'd still need to provide a good life with my attitude

54:26and with my perspectives and with who I am. And that's what I was willing to do. I did that my entire life. I didn't understand everything. I didn't have a perfect worth. I didn't have a perfect identity, all these things, but I knew I would still have to have those things. So if our journeys are different, each person that's been adopted is different. Some are meeting that person, not meeting that person. Every circumstance is different. I would say to do that first. And secondly, just to believe that good things can happen.

54:59And they might not happen in the way you think, but they can happen. And they, it will happen. And that your life and your story doesn't have to be like anyone else's. It gets to be yours. And that's what makes it beautiful. And the last thing I think to say is that we are all imperfect. And so when you recognize in that yourself and those that love you and everyone else and anyone that is different,

55:31different from that love, or you have struggled through, again, like my family wasn't perfect. My adopted family, my, I've come to realize different families in different situations I've had all my life, nothing was ever perfect. And I was very imperfect, but that was the beauty. If people can, if individuals can take heart, just take heart to be kind to yourself and have love for others and be honest with yourself

56:03and those that are involved in the adoption process or the parents or whatever. Yeah, be kind, be mindful, be prayerful, be positive, be optimistic, be learning, be good. Really great advice. Thank you. So in your experience, what are some ways that you think others can help adoptees address trauma and struggles they face? It's okay to research things and study things

56:33and learn of yourself things that you don't understand. And even me, I did try to go learn Spanish, but that wasn't accomplishable. So I can go learn something else. What we can all help each other with is understanding that us being curious about who we are and what we love and our gifts and talents and what we can give back, especially to our community, to others.

57:03This is why I share my story, because it heals me too. It heals what needs healing. And working with trauma, it's a sensitive place and it's a precious place, but it's first to be understood as, I know, as painful as it is, believe me, I've experienced trauma, but as painful as it is, I've looked at it as an honor to become a leader. And if you can use it for good, turn it for good,

57:35provide good from it, nothing will be wasted. Nothing you have experienced will be wasted. It will be a force for good. And that's the force that we need right now in the world. Need a force for good. We need good leaders. We need people to rise. And so, yes, it is okay to have times where you need to sit down or breathe or cry, but there are times that you have to rise and rise again and rise again. And I constantly have to do that all the time. It takes guts.

58:07So how have your adoption experiences shaped your life, your career and where you are now? It has just formed laid for me, like if I've learned these things, what can I bring? What can I provide to others because of my experience? You know, what can I provide? And so for me, it has changed me where I've always wanted to give back. I always loved my community,

58:37but the world's not always kind, but I learned, you know, sometimes you just have to decide between like working for the kindness or working against it. And we really need to invest in the kindness because we're just hiring the percentage of that, which is way better than anything, but it's become something that I advocate for. So I now am a volunteer with Underground Railroad.

59:10I love working there and just, you know, I don't, if you're just sending a message, you're supporting a cause, you're, you know, for me, showing up to an event to support an organization. So I advocate for them, but I also, I'm in the film and modeling industry as well. And a portion of my modeling or film has been to tell my story.

59:40A portion has been to advocate for women in abuse. Before I actually had this journey, I was moved to work with the Women and Children's Center and the Rape Crisis Center. And it just instills just like you to be, become a very sympathetic and empathetic person and to give back to your community. And then to do my work, I went to school in marriage, family and relationships, which was a study of family studies

60:10and an emphasis in social work and just carried those things out. I teach my children and I teach others just along their way, just talking to them, services and contacts and just different things that are available to them in their community or support. Love that. You're very busy. Wow. All right. Can you tell us about Adopted for Change? Adopted for Change, I love, I've always, I didn't know what I've ever called my, one of my missions, one of my loves.

60:42And even just the name alone just brings a smile to my face because it's really about creating change from within. This is all about creating change from within because when we start within ourselves, when we are the light, when we give light, when we provide light, we can light other's candles. And some don't know how to light theirs. Some have burnt out. Some don't want to light theirs. But we must burn brighter. And so Adopted for Change is the creating change

61:12from within, it's the change to make those things possible. Creating Change was created a few years ago. I have a Facebook community page because I want to involve the community. I wanted them to see how we can carry an optimistic or positive attitude. I had great days or years ago or great days or years of being able to do that. I had hard years to carry that. Shouldering that with others helps us to remind us to remain positive and optimistic.

61:43I've needed reminders. It is the community's other people, it's other stories that have been reminders for me too. They give me strength when I don't have enough. And Adopted for Change also goes into the speaking portion where I speak worldwide. And I'll be a number of things from podcasts to guests, hosts, to stations or whatever. Just got off a recent radio station.

62:13And just sharing that story as well as making, I'm very into quotes, making positive quotes, making positive affirmations. But yeah, Adopted for Change is really about the change within and each of us, I want each person to really know that their story counts and that sharing your story matters. And even if you can't share your story, that you own your story and that you just live out the best you. Okay, is there anything else that you want to talk about today?

62:44There is a lot happening in our world today. We need leaders and we need light and we need goodness. We need kindness. We need equality. And if we take just some extra time to step away from the world and find that and express the best parts of that, there's a lot of healing that can come about. A lot of connection, a lot of closure, a lot of things.

63:15And that's my hope and prayer just that we can all together as equals. I love the community that always did that for me. I grew up in that kind of way for myself. And I know it's paid dividends in the kindness and the non-judgmental comments. And I never had received anything at least personally, and I know many have, but personally never had received the hard hand of another or judgment. So, I know what that's like. If we can do that better. Yeah, always can be better, right?

63:48Thank you so much for being with us today. I really, really enjoyed talking to you and hearing your story. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure to be here. And I just really enjoyed being able to share and share with all the listeners and everyone out there. They're not alone. We're not alone. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Open Adoption Project. And thanks so much to Anakatia. Yes, we're so appreciative of her for sharing her story,

64:19her feelings and what she's been through. I really loved talking to her. She has such a positive outlook on life, even when things are hard. And I think that's what she's been through. And I think that's what she's been through. And I think that's what she's been through. And I think that's what she's been through. And I think that's what she's been through. And I think that's what she's been through. And so while she talked about her story, I think that is really the most positive outlook on life, even when things are hard. And my biggest takeaway from this episode

64:51as an adoptive parent is just that reminder to try to help my kids connect to their roots, to connect to their cultural heritage, to their birth families. We're lucky that we have these open adoption relationships reminder to embrace those relationships to make them a priority and to make sure that my kids know that I love them or all of them including for their roots for their heritage for their past.

65:21Something that still just stands out to me a lot is the experience when she actually met her birth mom and her birth mom wasn't ready to give her a hug she wasn't ready to be in a picture with her. I thought that it was super sweet that she gave her the cucumber and I wasn't expecting that at all as a listener. I was crying when she was telling me that. But when she said that's all she had and she

65:51gave me everything that she had that was just really touching and really sweet and I think that from the adoptive parent perspective we need to make sure that we help our children understand that the decisions that their birth parents made was because they were giving them what they could. And that was just a really really sweet moment and I think the words that she said was my mom was enough or my birth mother was enough and that was enough and I was enough and though

66:24that wasn't exactly what she probably hoped for or expected it ended up just this beautiful experience that she can hold on to now. So Anna Katia has written a book about her experience. It's called 14 Days. For anyone who would like to read her book and support her as she shares her story you can reach out to her on Facebook at Adopted4Change. That's within number four. And we'll have a link in the show notes also. Thank you so much for listening to this episode and we'll be back again next week. Yes next week we'll have an interview with an adoptive couple

66:58who have two children who were adopted and one was adopted from a family member and the other was adopted through an agency. They are amazing. I love how they have worked so hard to have these open adoption relationships in both a kinship sort of adoption and one that's not a kinship adoption and how they've nurtured their relationships with their kids or their families. It's just such a great thing to hear. We're excited to bring that episode to you guys

67:29and we'll be back next week.

67:59vai

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