Boundaries with Hopscotch Songs

0:00Welcome to the Open Adoption Project. This is episode 81. We're the Nelsons. I'm Lanette. And I'm Shaun. Today we have an interview with Joanna Pace from Hopscotch Songs. And we're going to be talking about the song about boundaries. It's called That's a Boundary or Setting Boundaries. It's this fun song for kids to help them understand about how to set boundaries and advocate for themselves and their safety. Anyway, it's a great song. We love Joanna and her husband, Matt.

0:30They have this YouTube channel that's really awesome called Hopscotch Songs. And they've also been on our podcast before talking about their very open adoptions and their thoughts on creating open adoption relationships. So that is episode 50 if you want to look them up. And yeah, it's a really fun chat with Joanna. Yeah, we're going to play this song right now. You can also find it on YouTube. We'll put a link to the YouTube video in our show notes. So we'll jump into the song right now so you can hear it.

1:01You'll have some context while you're listening to the episode. And then we'll jump into our episode with Lanette and Joanna. Some people like hugs or standing close. Teasing or tickling while others don't. High fives, handshakes, kisses, sharing milkshakes.

1:31Things people do and say with others are not okay. Your feelings are important no matter your size. So you can set boundaries to clarify. And you can say, please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary.

2:01Please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. It's just a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. Everyone has different needs and we can't read each other's minds. But if we ask before we do something, we won't cross each other's lines. And we'll know what is and isn't fine and say, I'll stop.

2:34You don't like that. You're feeling uncomfortable. You need more space. Not around you. I'm not offended or blue. That's just your boundary. That's your boundary. If someone's invading your personal space. That's a boundary. Doing things that make you feel unsafe. That's a boundary. Or saying things that make you feel hurt or gross. Not in front of me. Whatever affects you most.

3:05You need to say something. Like what? Maybe like, please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary. Please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space.

3:36Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary. I'm not trying to be mean. Cause that's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. We are here on the podcast with Joanna Pace from Hopscotch. Joanna, welcome so much to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Hey, to start off, can you tell us a bit about you and about Hopscotch?

4:06Absolutely. So I am a teacher. I've been teaching for the last 10 years. I teach elementary school. Kindergarten, second grade. At some point, I just, we had a need that we needed. I wanted to have better quality content for kids. And so I asked Matt, my husband, who's a musician, and he started writing songs for me to use in my classroom. And then it kind of snowballed. And now we have Hopscotch. It's a big YouTube channel. You guys have a ton of subscribers. And you have really quality songs. Thanks.

4:36It's definitely grown a lot more than we anticipated. And so we're really excited about it. And I'm excited about it. And we love more than we anticipated. And so we're, we feel really grateful that we get to do what we love. That's awesome. And then you're also an adoptive parent. Yes, absolutely. We have two children who both joined our family through open adoptions. So we wanted to hop on today and chat about one of the songs that came out on your Hopscotch channel about boundaries. When I heard it, I was just like, this was so needed. It's the song that I didn't know that I needed to help my kids learn about boundaries.

5:08So we really appreciate you chatting with us about it today. Absolutely. So why did you feel like this was something that you wanted to address on your channel? That's such a good question. I also felt like there was a huge need. I've taught elementary school for 10 years. And kids don't always have the vocabulary they need to set boundaries with other children. And especially with adults. So I have the opportunity to teach social and emotional learning as part of my job.

5:38And oftentimes I'll ask them, like, do you like to be tickled? Raise your hand if yes, raise your hand if no, or like, raise your hand if you like this or that. And a lot of times it's amazing to see it's their first time being asked, like, do you like this? Are you OK with this? And not in terms of like me tickling them, but in terms of giving them the choice to think about it and kind of help them. And consent to it and say, like, your body, your choice. Really important. Yeah. And with other kids on the playground, you know, sometimes they know that the other kid is not trying to bother them.

6:12Like if they're trying to give them a hug or something like that. But at the same time, if the child is not comfortable with it, they don't always have the vocabulary to be able to say stop. I don't like that. So yeah, this is kind of a goal of mine. This is my passion project, and I worked with our social worker to get some of the main things that she sees as like a secondary intervention that we could address more as a whole, like as a whole system and families and classrooms and schools, etc.

6:45So yeah, I love it. And you have all of these solid examples for kids in the song about like, stop. I don't like that. I need some space and feeling uncomfortable. Really good examples of what that might look like setting a boundary. Thank you. I've definitely seen it help in different situations. It's really cool for me to see how where it's gone. That's awesome. So how have you seen it help empower kids to set boundaries?

7:15One of my favorite things is seeing kids say, oh, that's a boundary for me. And just like being able to vocalize how they're feeling without being offensive or accusing the other person because sometimes they're like, you're being mean, right? That's the old way of saying like, you're bullying me or you're being mean when what they really mean is like, I don't like what you're doing for me personally. I don't want to play that way. And so it changes it from like being a victim to being empowered to stand up for themselves and say what they are and are comfortable with.

7:47So I love that. Yes. And that vocabulary is not accusatory, but it's firm and standing up for yourself. I love that. That's a boundary. Just laying out there. That's great. What considerations did you want to address in the song as you were writing it? Oh, there were quite a few. One was the idea that that kids are allowed to say that it doesn't have to come from adults, that kids can make their own rules.

8:17Another consideration that I had was we had been given a little bit of soft feedback. Well, maybe some parents won't like this because parents want to be able to say what's OK and what's not OK. And Matt and I disagreed firmly on that. We felt like kids have the right to talk about what they are and aren't comfortable. And another consideration was just kids taking it personally and making it about them when it's not about them. You know what I mean? Like if someone says, hey, I don't like hugs, it doesn't have to be personal. And I think adults actually need this song as much as kids.

8:50Yeah. Well, and that's great to teach them at a younger age that, hey, it's OK if someone doesn't want that. Yeah, a hug. Your friend doesn't want to be touched. Yeah, let's just respect that. It's not an attack on you. It's a boundary. I love it. Or like sometimes kids are just exposed to different things. So maybe they just aren't comfortable with that sort of content or dialogue. Like, oh, I don't want to play guns or I don't want to play this way or that way. And so, yeah. Yeah.

9:21And so I feel like in the adoption world, there's an extra layer, maybe some complexities with boundaries. So did any of those thoughts or relationships in the adoption world affect the song as you were thinking about that and writing it? I think one of the things that we see a lot are boundaries being crossed with assumptions being made about adoptions or birth families.

9:51And I don't know other than to just say we continue to try and change the dialogue with honoring, revering and appreciating birth families and their sacrifices rather than like making these assumptions and for the kids to just. So one of it is just the idea of empowering kids to be able to change the dialogue period and hopefully helping that bleed into the adoption dialogue as well, I guess, in one way.

10:24Yeah, just I mean, I think every kid at some point, I know for me, I was teased as a kid like, oh, you don't fit in. Like, maybe you're adopted. Right. That was like a very negative connotation. And I hope that with this song, kids, hey, that's actually not the way we talk about adoption. We're really grateful for adoption and we love it. But that being said, every adoption is so unique. So what I appreciate is that I have the power to say in our family, this is how we talk about adoption or in our family.

10:56This is how we talk about our birth families because they're incredible. Yeah. And that's a great way to model it for kids so that they recognize when someone's crossing that line and saying something inappropriate, if the parents or the adults in the child's life are able to model, hey, we draw the line here. We don't talk about personal struggles or like why a birth parent might have placed their child or, you know, different things. We might not talk about this with other people. And that's a boundary that we're setting and modeling that for kids so that they can continue that.

11:31Absolutely. It's interesting because we want to be open with our kids and we want them to know their story and we want it to be a story that they're proud of because we're proud of it. And also at the same time, I don't like I don't want to pretend that the sacrifice wasn't there. So it's complicated. It really is. And every story is different. Some have personal details that really other people don't need to know, right? Right, right. Just showing respect for the for the privacy of others.

12:01And I think people aren't used to that. And when they aren't used to adoption, they might ask questions that are not OK. And then as a friend, you want to include them and educate them while not, you know, giving away personal details that they don't need to be. So I don't know. Again, it's like the idea. I'm a little bit of an overshare for me, but I don't want to be an overshare for someone else. So yes, I have the same struggle and working on it. Good to recognize. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

12:32So I don't know if that makes sense. That's all very it seems a little abstract, but ideally just, you know, changing the dialogue. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So one of my kids, when she was going to me a therapist for the first time, this therapist was a little quirky where he did not seem to hear the adoption language that she uses and she prefers like she calls her birth mom by her first name. And he just kept saying things like, hey, now tell me about your real mom. And she got really upset about it.

13:02And she kept saying, hey, that's not the language I use. I'm trying to set those boundaries. And it's challenging when the adults in a child's life aren't listening to that. Absolutely. She did get really upset and just in the end, I don't want to go back to him. He doesn't listen. Any thoughts on how we could help kids in situations like that when there's another adult who's outside of our control, really? Oh, man. And what an amazing example for your daughter to be able to realize, oh, this makes me feel uncomfortable when you're not listening to me.

13:37So I really appreciate that example because I think that that would be like, hey, this is a boundary for me. Please don't use that term. And my kids aren't old enough. We haven't had that discussion. We definitely know what we call their birth parents and they have a great relationship with them. But I've been there to advocate for them. And so I love this idea of giving them the tool to advocate for themselves. Yeah, it's a challenging tightrope in the adoption world, I think.

14:09Absolutely. And we've been really upfront with our extended family. Like, hey, this is actually we don't use that term. This is the preferred one. We don't say give up. We say place. We don't, you know, and just like setting those boundaries as a family. But again, we hope that we continue to make friends and we want them, you know, we want it to be supportive. And like you were saying, it's impossible to completely avoid. So, yeah. Well, and I feel like people sometimes just don't understand, right? The importance of something to a person.

14:39If they say, hey, this is vocabulary I prefer, people just don't get it. And it's hard. You can't make them. But yeah, absolutely. Do you have any tips for parents or caregivers who have not talked to their kids about boundaries yet? From your own experience, how would you go about that conversation? I mean, I think like so many other things, it needs to be a continuing conversation, not just one, you know. And I think like asking them explicitly like, how do you feel about this?

15:13Do you like being tickled? Are you OK with a hug? You know, even things like when a family member is over and like saying, oh, go give them a hug or go like that's that's already sending a message that their boundaries don't matter. And so trying to change it and check yourself because there's this social expectation that your kids will be amicable and loving and like cute and all these other things that are not necessarily fair expectations for children. And for me, one of the biggest things that went into this song was maybe the darker side of trying to prevent child sexual abuse and child abuse.

15:49And I just I just want kids to have as many tools as they can. And so, yeah, the idea that kids bodies and kids preferences are really important and that their feelings are important, no matter how old they are, should hopefully empower them to say no when they feel when they feel like they should. And I love that it's so simple and the examples you give in that song where I feel like my younger kids would be able to understand that, too, and hopefully utilize that if they were in a situation where they felt uncomfortable or threatened or they could say, oh, wait, I remember what to say to this.

16:27And they have this toolbox right there that's really accessible and easy to remember. Absolutely. That's that's a hope. Even my my baby is not even two, and he's already saying he says, like that from the song like I don't like that. And our older son knows that he's saying I don't like that, you know, so that the next step is always part of the song is about respecting other people's boundaries. And I think that's a conversation that's an ongoing one that like, hey, you need to listen to his boundaries and we listen to your boundaries.

16:59So in our family, we listen to boundaries. And so it's been nice for my husband and I, too, because with the kids, you know, sometimes they're crawling all over you and it's a at some point you just don't like it anymore. And so for us, we'll just say, hey, that's a boundary. We need some more space. And so it's not personal. It's not like you're, you know, you're annoying or you're bothering me. It's just like I need space. And so I think that common language, even like within my family, has really helped. And then I've seen my dad who wants to be a cute grandpa wants to play with the kids.

17:32But then at some point they're playing too rough and my dad didn't have that language. And so as a grandpa, I've seen him say, oh, that's a boundary for me. And the kids understand it, you know. And or in my kindergarten class, I saw the same thing this year where the kids said, oh, that's a boundary. Please don't talk about that. That's a boundary with each other on the playground. And I thought it was really amazing. And it made me so proud and so excited. So it's really neat. What a rewarding thing to actually see people utilizing it.

18:03And I feel like as we grow older, it's harder to make changes and adjustments like that. That's really neat that your dad has been able to utilize it, too. Yeah, well, you know, he's he's trying to figure I think we're all trying to figure it out at each stage of life, whether, you know, it's as an adult setting boundaries with people for our time or or whatever or with kids with our physical space. And anyway, so yeah, do you have any thoughts that you want to share about setting boundaries and open adoption? Like as you're establishing these relationships with biological families, how to do that in a way that's healthy?

18:40And we get a lot of questions about how to set boundaries and open adoptions. Oh, that's such a great question. I think the conversation is really important to have with with our older son. We sat down before right before he was born and just said, what are your expectations? And I think expectations and boundaries kind of go hand in hand and then just continuing to have those conversations like what are your expectations? What are your boundaries? And then being able to say for us, you know, we really want him. You know, this is really important to us. And then at the same time, this is our boundaries.

19:13So and both of our kids birth moms have been so incredibly respectful that we honestly haven't had like we haven't felt like we need to set boundaries because they err on the side of being over respect, like not over respectful, but so respectful that they don't want to step on toes. And I think we feel the same way that we don't want to step on their toes. I think for me, part of it is to sing, hey, we really do want to hear from you. We really do want to spend time with you. What can we do to make that happen?

19:44And yeah, I would say with expectations at the beginning with with our younger son, we we were going in. We didn't know his birth mom as well. And so we are saying we are going to make mistakes. We are going to do things that are probably things you wouldn't do. How do you feel about that? Are you OK with the fact that we're going to make mistakes, that we're going to maybe choose different things than you? We weren't sure like how many opinions you would have. You know, you would ask your questions like what is what are your thoughts on this health procedure, this or that?

20:18You know, are you OK if we choose vaccines or circumcision or all these different things and trying to have these discussions ahead of times and ultimately saying like, who is ultimately going to have the say? Are we both on the same page about that? And so it's so important to talk about, especially before. And that way, yeah, it's out and it's being discussed before there's anything official. So there's no coercion. Everything's like on the table. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that's what we really wanted was this discussion. And it's hard to have those conversations sometimes. It's hard to ask the question.

20:50But we felt like when we said, hey, let's talk about this, what are your expectations? What are the traditions in your family? How comfortable are you? This is what we did with our older child or this is what we're kind of thinking. Do you have any like strong feelings about it? Which kind of allowed for input while still we felt like that ultimately that expectation would be that we would have the final say as their parent. But also we wanted to respect their birth moms.

21:21And, you know, and so it was it was interesting because, you know, we have those conversations. I thought they went really well and I felt like they set us up for open communication. So that's awesome. That's really great. Great advice. So on the flip side, I feel like it's really easy for adoptive parents to forget that birth parents might have opinions or boundaries that they want to voice to. And after placement, there's this power discrepancy, right?

21:51Where even if you have a great relationship, you still might not feel that psychological safety to say, hey, I actually don't like this or yeah, this might need to change something about this. Might be a red flag for me. And I feel like as an adoptive parent, it's kind of a challenge, right? But also a call to action to be checking in and asking for feedback and asking for boundaries basically like what do you need from these first parents?

22:21Yeah, absolutely. I would second that. I think the idea of just checking in is really great. Like, how are you? Am I like what needs do you have with with your child, with this shared child that we both love and adore? Can we send you more pictures? You need to hear from us more, you know? Do you want to hear from us less? Do you need more space? Like, we've definitely been doing that with our younger son and his birth mom just trying to say because she lives farther away.

22:52Are you OK? Are we you know, is this too much? Is this not enough? You know, so it's a real tightrope. But I think it's really important to recognize that birth parents might not always be comfortable stepping up and saying, hey, I need more or I need a boundary here, whatever it is that they're feeling. It can be a really hard thing, I think, for that part of the adoption community to feel comfortable and safe sharing something. Absolutely, especially as they were definitely the more vulnerable of the parties.

23:25So, yeah, such a good reminder. And I don't have it perfected. But I feel like inviting the discussion is a way to give them a chance to talk about it without feeling like they're going to hurt your feelings or upset you. So it's a great feedback. And I feel like also applicable for adoptees, right? As we're talking to our kids who were adopted and trying to help them understand how to set boundaries with this extra complexity in their life. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

23:57All right. What other thoughts do you have about boundaries? Oh, man. Well, I went to therapy for a few years. At least I love going to therapists. And I feel like she taught me so much about boundaries. So I really appreciate her. I think setting boundaries can be hard, but it's really important to model for your kids, too. Absolutely. And it's hard to change, too. I feel like with the younger generations, it's becoming less taboo to be straightforward and say, hey, I need to set these boundaries right here.

24:31But it's kind of an uncomfortable thing when you're trying to set boundaries with older generations that maybe don't understand the importance of it. Yeah, there's a certain amount of entitlement as a parent that you think, well, I'm raising you, so I get this say in your life. And how far does that extend and how old does that extend? And I think any 18 to 30 year old would probably say they've had some discussion about boundaries with the parent. Like, I'm an adult now. I need to set this boundary. So it's definitely an ongoing discussion.

25:06I think then you then you have this whole dynamic as a parent setting boundaries with your parents about your children, about, you know, the way you're going to parent your kids. And then also possibly with birth families, etc. and seeking feedback, listening to feedback and then ultimately trying to do the best you can. So I don't think boundaries are going away. And I'm happy about that. I just yeah, the other part that is can be tricky is helping kids recognize what's a reasonable boundary to.

25:39Right. So but yeah, I think most kids are pretty good about it. They seem to understand intuitively like, oh, I don't like that. So I can say I don't like that. You know, so so are there any examples that you have off the top of your head of unreasonable boundaries you might have seen and how you help kids recognize how that could be shifted to be more reasonable? I mean, my six year old's really, really smart. And so they're like, um, cleaning up. I'm I don't like that. That's a boundary.

26:10I'm like, yeah, that's that's not exactly applicable the same way. I mean, I understand if you want some time before that, let's set some goals. But if it's your stuff and, you know, that's, you know, so just, I guess, misapplication. But with any with any principle, like what is a boundary, what isn't a boundary and just trying to help set them up for success. Have there been any tools or resources that have been really helpful to you as you think about boundaries and teach your kids about them?

26:42I mean, there's some great books, I think, like body books, body awareness. That would be one. I mean, for me, just talking to social worker, my experience in the classroom has been a big resource. I would imagine most parents have some some form of experience the same way. No, honestly, not a ton off the top of my head. I use the boundary song now as a basis, like as a resource and a jumping off point. One thing for us that's really big with boundaries is and also in terms of like child abuse prevention is just like teaching your children correct anatomy, helping to overcome any shame or guilt we as adults have surrounding our bodies, because that is huge.

27:33From what the research shows about passing on body positive discussions as well as empowering them to talk about it, which is really good for them in terms of protection and prevention. So, yeah, I feel like the theme of secrecy and shame comes up on our podcast so often. And it is it's a shackle that keeps you from being able to develop that feeling of safety. If you're feeling shame or guilt about something and it's a secret.

28:05Yeah, I love that this conversation is about bringing things out into the open and just transparency openness. Absolutely. According to the research I've read, however parents feel about their body and even like if parents are comfortable with their own sexuality as an individual, and their children will feel more comfortable coming to them with questions and talking about that openly. And so whenever parents even subconsciously send a message like, oh, I, even if they don't say out loud if they look or sound uncomfortable talking about certain topics kids will pick up on that and then be less likely to bring it to them in the future and so.

28:44Really interesting. Yeah, so even even though I mean we're talking about setting boundaries in this case I would say like try really hard not to set too many boundaries in the way that you're willing to listen to your kids about their bodies or what they're feeling. I know for us my parents are wonderful. And also, I, they had a really hard time talking about body parts and and they tried to use the right labels but they just, you know, you could just tell it made them feel really uncomfortable we didn't talk openly about sex or sexuality ever.

29:16And those are subconscious boundaries that were set right so subconsciously we knew that we just didn't talk to mom and dad about it. And so. So it wasn't really a safe space for talking about it if you do have questions. Right, and the implication being that there's shame surrounding that and guilt surrounding that and so if any you know there are seven kids in the family and when various things came up. We didn't tell mom and dad you know and so. And so for me as a parent, and especially an adoptive parent being more aware of some of the trauma and and things that their birth families went through I just, I'm really passionate about being open open and trying to

30:02get rid of the shame and the guilt and the secrecy as much as possible and so being body positive being straightforward being open, trying to work on my own issues with any of the shame and guilt I grew up with have all been part of this idea. Obviously, this would look different in a school setting versus a home setting but yeah. But it's a lot I feel like we talked about open adoption so much right these relationships but there's also such a need and parenting in general to to have these open dialogues where.

30:39Yeah, it's just openness all across the board is so important helping. Absolutely, I feel like people worry like oh well if I talk about it then my kids will be curious or if I do this and that and the research is pretty clear like they're already going to be curious so who do you want them to talk to. Yeah, just normal part of life, and we are not perfect. We are definitely not perfect but I really appreciate the opportunity to talk about it.

31:11Yeah well thank you so much for being on the show today. We really love the song and it's a great tool for our kids. We do get a lot of questions from our listeners about boundaries. And thanks for having me and I'd love to hear more feedback from other people we're still, you know, still in the learning process so yeah, it's been, it's been really cool to see where it's gone and we had Miss Rachel share it. And so that definitely raised some awareness we were not we were not anticipating it but it's been really cool to see.

31:45Just to see people interpret it and I think it resonates with all of us to some degree. Yeah, that's great. Well Joanna thank you so much. Thanks Lanette. It's been great. Thank you Joanna for joining us for this episode of the open adoption project and thanks to Matt as well for him and her and their creative genius or ingenuity, and the hopscotch channel I really love listening to their music and and think it really helps educate kids.

32:22I mean honestly their songs are super catchy they get stuck in my head to like the planet one too. I think there's a couple things from that conversation that I mean many things that will resonate a lot with parents in general, but a couple things in the adoption space that I felt like we're, we're really good conversations one just even before a baby is born if you have a connection with an expectant parent or expectant parents, setting boundaries so talking about things that you feel comfortable with and things that you don't feel comfortable with.

32:57Obviously, there's different contexts that we can talk about boundaries and but I just love the thought of just saying what you feel and obviously in kind and respectful ways, so that other people know what to expect or what you prefer. Yeah, letting people know what your boundaries are and then I feel like if you're able to do that well. The next step is to help other people who might have a hard time voicing their boundaries with doing that and so like as an adoptive parent I feel like it's really on our

33:30side to help make sure that birth parents in our lives and adoptees in our lives are able to have their boundaries, respected and so helping them voice what those boundaries are and then being respectful ourselves and helping them advocate for themselves. And I think, especially when we're trying to facilitate or foster a number of relationships in our children's lives. I think it's important for us to take a step back and just say, are you feeling comfortable with this feeling safe with this right like, how do you feel about

34:02this in general so that we're respecting how they feel, and then help them like you just said, voice, some of those feelings so that we can create a shared understanding of what their boundaries are. Yeah, I think it's so important. Well, and if we can model those healthy boundaries for our kids, I, I believe that they'll have healthier relationships as they grow up and mature and become adults. Well, thank you again so much to Joanna. We're grateful for the opportunity that we have to interact with and talk with so many just awesome people in this space and this is no exception. We're so grateful for their talents and help.

34:44Awesome. Well, we'll be back in two weeks with a new episode and until then, encourage you to sign up for our newsletter if you have not, you can do that on open adoption project.org. And if you would like, you can also leave us a five star review on Apple podcasts or on audible. We love and appreciate all of the reviews people leave for us it helps others to find our podcast as well. Thanks so much, and we will play you out one more time with boundaries, and it will probably get stuck in your head like it's been in my for a few weeks. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the open adoption project.

35:24Some people like hugs, or standing close teasing or tickling while others don't high fives handshakes kisses sharing milkshakes things people do and say. With others are not okay. Your feelings are important, no matter your size, so you can set boundaries to clarify. And you can say, please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary.

36:03That's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. Everyone has different needs, and we can't read each other's minds. But if we ask before we do something, we won't cross each other's lines. And we'll know what is and isn't fine and say, I'll stop. You don't like that. You're feeling uncomfortable. You need more space. Not around you. I'm not offended or blue. That's just your boundary. That's your boundary.

36:35If someone's invading your personal space, that's a boundary. Or doing things that make you feel unsafe, that's a boundary. Or saying things that make you feel hurt or gross, that's a boundary. Not in front of me. Whatever affects you most, you need to say something. Like what? Maybe like, please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling uncomfortable. That's just your boundary. That's just your boundary.

37:07Not in front of me. Whatever affects you most, you need to say something. Like what? Maybe like, please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary. Please stop. I don't like that. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need more space. Not around me. Don't take it personally. That's just a boundary. That's a boundary.

37:44I'm not trying to be mean. That's just not my scene. Cause that's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary. That's a boundary.

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