Youth Adoptee Christmas Special

0:00Welcome to the Open Adoption Project. Today I'll be your host. I'm the oldest Nelson kid. Today I'll be interviewing some other kids who are adopted just like me. At the time of this recording, Christmas is only one week away. Happy Christmas. We really hope that you enjoy this episode. As an adoptee, I think it's important that other people know what it's like to be adopted.

0:33Today we'll be asking some other kids how they feel about adoption. My first guest is Sam. Welcome to the podcast, Sam. Can you introduce yourself and tell us something that makes you special? Hi, my name is Sam and I'm 13 years old. One thing that makes me special is I'm tall, I have curly hair, and I like animals. What's your favorite treat, Sam? My favorite treat is Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

1:06If you could hang out with a movie character for a full day, who would it be? If I could hang out with a movie character all day, it would be Jack Black because he's kind of hilarious. He's the one who plays Kung Fu Panda. Can you tell us a little bit about your family? In my adoptive family, I have a mom and a dad and a younger sister and brother. We're both adopted too. Can you tell us a little bit about your birth family now? In my bio family, I have a mom and her husband, a brother that lives with them, two sisters who have placed through foster care,

1:39and a bio dad who I have little to no information about. Could you share with us a little bit of your adoption story? I was born in Iowa and I was adopted as an infant. My birth dad was black and my birth mom was white, which means I'm biracial. My birth mom made some poor choices, which meant she couldn't take me home to raise me, so she decided to make the choice to interview some people. She was looking for families that were okay to having an open adoption, but most of them wanted closed adoptions.

2:12She interviewed my adoptive parents, who she thought would be willing to raise me in a good way, and they were willing to have an open adoption. I was my parents' first kid, my grandparents' first grandkid, my aunts' and uncles' first nephew. I have pictures of them coming to meet me at the airport. I was my parents' first kid and my grandparents' first kid too. Sam, I know that you have an open adoption. Now can you tell us what it means to you?

2:43Having an open adoption means I have more people in my family than others. It also means I have two moms that love me, two dads that love me, extra siblings that love me, and I get to talk to my birth mom and brother and find out more about them. We've been able to go back to Iowa and visit them a couple times. I know what you mean, Sam. Because of adoption, I have a really big family. Sam, could you share with us some thoughts about being adopted?

3:13When I think about being adopted, I would say it's complicated. There are some people in this world that see adoption as parents saving a child's life, or thinking their bio-family didn't love them enough to take care of them. There are also people in this world that do understand, who won't necessarily ask questions or make accusations towards the bio-parents. I feel like I'm somewhat torn between two worlds. In one world, I have siblings that I know well,

3:45and in the other world, I have a family that I still want to know better. Sam, is there some stuff that is hard about being adopted for you? The hardest thing about being adopted is some people think adoption is just handing over a kid to another family. They ask random questions that may be uncomfortable, questions without realizing it. Like, did your birth mom love you? Or do you know anything about your birth parents?

4:15Or do you feel isolated from the rest of the world? We'll make jokes, not even knowing that I'm adopted, saying, you're adopted and your mom didn't love you. All of these things have been said to me. That is really hard. Hopefully we can teach our friends what it truly is to be adopted. What would you say is the best part about being adopted, Sam? The best part about being adopted is if you know certain people that are also adopted,

4:45it's pretty much, you pretty much just have the same start in life. You're just an exclusive club. You automatically have a bond with the person and they're a safe person to go talk to. For example, I found out that my fifth grade teacher was adopted, and all year I felt like she just understood me. I also like that I have a bigger family than others. I am so happy to be part of the club. So how do you talk to other kids about being adopted, Sam?

5:16How I talk about adoption to other kids is depending on who they are. If they aren't adopted, I educate them on what adoption means to me. But if they are adopted, I can talk to them like it's a normal thing. And when I talk to people that are adopted, it's like they understand what I'm going through, and they won't judge me. It's like I have friends who just get it. I totally understand.

5:46What do you wish that other people knew about adoption? I wish people knew that adoption isn't always, it's not always a great thing. It's a tragedy when you think about it, meaning a situation where a biomom and her child are separated. And adoption isn't something I chose. It's something that happened to me when I was a baby. I didn't get asked if I wanted to do it. I didn't agree to it. But I'm the one who's left to deal with it and work through my feelings about it.

6:18So it's more than a couple who hasn't been able to have kids finally getting a baby. I agree. It's so much more than that. Thank you so much for being open and honest with your feelings. Our next guest is Oakley, who is actually close to my age. Oakley, welcome to the podcast. Can you introduce yourself? Hi, my name is Oakley and I am 11 years old. What's something that makes you special?

6:48I have a very deep love for animals. Me too. I especially like pandas. What's your favorite treat? I like all treats except for strawberry ice cream. Well, if you have extra strawberry ice cream, bring it over here because it's one of my favorite flavors. If you could hang out with a movie character for a full day, who would it be? I would want to hang out with Jasmine from the New Aladdin. Me too. Can you tell us about your family now?

7:19I live with my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandma, my dog, my five cats, and my two goats. You have two goats? That's awesome. We have some chickens. I thought that was cool, but not nearly as cool as goats. Oakley, could you share some of your adoption story with us? Well, my parents had already adopted a little boy and they felt like they wanted to adopt another baby.

7:55And my mom had a feeling it was going to be a baby girl. And in the middle of the night one night, someone called my family, my parents, and said that they knew a young girl who was pregnant and who wanted to place her baby for adoption. And about a month and a half later, I was born. I was born one month and a half after my parents found out about me too.

8:28What does open adoption mean to you? It means I don't have to wonder why I look this way or look a certain way. And I don't have to wonder how I'm so tall. And I just have more family to love me. How do you feel about being adopted? Well, there is some hard parts, but most of the time, a lot of the time, I am just happy because I have more family to love me.

9:01And my birth family can tell me more stories about when I was a little baby. You know, I'm really grateful that I have an open adoption too. I know that adoption isn't always easy. What's the hardest part about adoption for you? The hardest part about being adopted is probably that people don't understand that it's a good thing and that I just wish people would know that it's just not affecting.

9:36Great! What's the best part about being adopted? The best part about being adopted is more family. More family is family. Amen, sister. How do you talk to your friends and other kids about adoption? One time someone asked me, so where's your real mom? And I pointed to my mom and I said, that is my real mom. And they're like, no, the mom who had you. And I explained to them that I had two moms, the one who had me and then the one who took care of me.

10:12And then I feel like they probably understood it a little bit more when someone explained it to them. And it's like I said multiple times before, it's just good to have more family. It is good to have more family. What do you wish that other people understood about adoption? I wish people knew that it was a good thing and that it's good to have more family.

10:42And I just wish people could understand, from my perspective, they could understand how great it is. Oakley, thank you so much for sharing with us. Our next guest is Kylie. Thank you for being with us, Kylie. Why don't you take a moment to introduce yourself? Hi, my name is Kylie. I am 15 going on 16 in about two weeks.

11:15And one thing that makes me special is I have autism. I have autism too. We both have autism. We have a connection. What's your favorite treat, Kylie? My favorite treat is three musketeers or Kit Kat. And if you could spend one full day with a movie character, who would it be? One movie character I would want to hang out with would be Milo Murphy from Milo Murphy's Law.

11:45Because it would be fun having, being like avoiding all the destruction he causes. I don't know who Milo Murphy is, but I think I'll avoid him too. Can you tell us a little bit about your family? I have a mom and a dad and a brother and a sister and four pets. And we like to travel, hang out at home and play board games. Can you take a minute to share a little bit of your adoption story with us?

12:16My parents weren't able to have biological kids, so they looked into adoption as an option of getting their family or building their family. So, and my birth mom was 16 and my dad, birth dad was 18. I was adopted at three days old. Since they were so young, they weren't able to take care of a baby at that point in their lives.

12:46So they placed me for adoption. Can you tell us what open adoption means to you? Open adoption to me means that I get to get to know my birth family and they get to know me and I also can have a relationship with my birth siblings. That's really, really special. For you, what does it mean to be adopted? It's not so much as getting to be adopted than it is getting to be adopted. It's because I like it. The one thing I don't like is the fact that I can't, is that I have to explain to kids that my parents didn't give, my birth parents didn't give me up.

13:25They placed me. How do you feel about being adopted, Kylie? I feel really good about being adopted because it means I can have more family to love me, that I get to be unique and oh, that I get more gifts. That sure can be a perk. So what's the low about being adopted? I think the hardest part about being adopted is that the kids don't really understand and they ask questions like, why did your parents give you up? Do you miss seeing your parents?

14:01To those questions I answer, for the first one I answer, they didn't give me up. They placed me for adoption because they love me. And I don't, and then for the second question I say, I don't miss them. They ask why I say, because I still see them. What do you wish that other people knew about adoption? What I wish other people knew about adoption was that there's nothing wrong with it and that I didn't really have a choice but I don't care because I love it.

14:41And when people say stuff like, why didn't your parents love you? I'm like, they're not my parents, they're my birth parents. First of all, second of all, they did love me. They loved me so much that they gave me a family that would give me stuff I needed. And I also know they love me because they tell me and they show me. My relationship with my birth mom is really strong that if it was taken away I would get really angry because I would be hurt and sad.

15:12For example, like when I'm doing stuff with her, like going to activities or shopping on my birthday, I just have a lot of fun and I get to know her some more. I also enjoy finding out things we have in common and seeing her be a mom to my birth sister and brother. I also like just getting to know her as a person. I love having an open adoption so I can have her in my life. I also love that there's open adoption and that I have my birth mother in my life.

15:43Thank you so much, Kylie, for being on the podcast with us today. Next we'll hear from twin sisters, Millie and Brooke. Welcome to the podcast. We'll start with Millie. Millie, how old are you? Six. What is something that makes you special? Having a sister. You have a twin sister, right? Uh huh. I have three brothers and I wish I had a sister. What's your favorite treat? A lot of things.

16:14A lot of things? Do you have a favorite thing? Fancy. Bugs again. Do you have a favorite movie character? Pac-Man. And then the ghost is turning Pac-Man. Can you tell us a little bit about your family now? Our family is Mommy, Daddy, Baby Hayes and the Mon and Damien, and Harold and Lydia, and Brooke and Rufy and Dad.

16:45Wow, that sounds like a big family. How many kids are in that big family? Eight. Wow, that's amazing. We love to hear about your adoption. Where does your story start? At the doctor. Whose tummy were you in? At my birth mommy. What's her name? Allison. And who did you leave the hospital with? My new family. Do you get to see your birth mom sometimes? Uh huh.

17:15What do you like to do with your birth mom? Sing songs. I thank them to give them hugs. Oh, you like to sing songs? That's nice. Do you like being adopted? Uh huh. Are there other adopted children in your family? Yes. Thank you so much for sharing. We're going to talk with your sister now. Hi Brooke. Can you introduce yourself? My name is Brooke. I'm I6.

17:45What's something that makes you special? I have a twin. Do you have a favorite treat? Chocolate. Do you have a favorite movie character? Ariel. Oh, I like the Little Mermaid too. Can you tell us a little bit about your family? Um, there's Mary in my family, Liv in my family, Harlem in my family, Lydia in my family,

18:16Mommy and Daddy, and Armani and Damien. My sister told us that you have eight kids in your family. How cool! Can you tell us a little bit about your adoption? I was adopted with my birth mommy. She walked me, she walked me, and gave me a passy and gave me some milk. When did your mommy and daddy adopt you?

18:47When I was a baby. What do you get to do with your birth mom? Eating with her. We have dinner with my birth mom a lot too. What do you like about being adopted? I have a birth mom. How does being adopted make you feel? Happy! I'm glad to be here. I'm sure your parents are glad that you are there too. Our next guest on the podcast is Travis. Hello Travis.

19:17Can you introduce yourself please? Hi. My name is Travis. I'm almost 15. What's something that you like to do? I like to play video games. What's your favorite sweet? Reese's Pieces. Travis, can you tell us about your family? I have nine older siblings, four sisters, five brothers. We're all adopted. Wow, that's a big family!

19:48I have three brothers and no sisters. Can you share a little bit of your adoption story with us? How I was adopted was... I don't know all the details, but I was adopted at five months. And I've lived with this family ever since. What does open adoption mean to you? Open adoption, what it means to me is it's basically...

20:20You know you're adopted, you can still meet your biological family. How do you feel about being adopted? I feel pretty fond of it because I know that if I wasn't, I probably wouldn't have lived as good of a life and have as good a family. What would you say that is the hardest part about adoption? The hardest part about being adopted? Probably knowing that my biological parents probably didn't care enough about me to keep me.

21:03That does sound hard. What do you think the best part about being adopted is? The best part about being adopted, like I said earlier, knowing that I'm living a better life than I probably would have. What do you wish that other people knew about adoption? Probably how such a big deal it is because a kid looks like someone such pretty big. Thank you Travis. We are so grateful that you got to go on our podcast.

21:36Our next guest is Xanalu. Xanalu, can you introduce yourself? Hi, I'm Xanalu 95. You are so cute, Xanalu. What's something that makes you special? Daddy and Papa. What's your favorite treat? Candy! That's a good answer. That covers everything. Do you have a specific kind that you really like?

22:08Kit Kat! If you could hang out with a movie character for a full day, who would it be? Rapunzel! That's a great answer. Why Rapunzel? Because I got long hair. Can you tell us a little about your family, Xanalu? My daddy is the taller, my papa is the shorter, and Annie is my dog. That's a cute name for a dog. Can you tell us about your adoption story?

22:39Yeah, I'm adopted from my birth mom. How do you feel about being adopted? Good. Does that make you feel happy? Yeah. How do you talk about adoption with other friends? I get bored with my birth mom and my birth dad.

23:09What's the best part about open adoption? I get to see my family. Xanalu, what happens when people ask you where your mommy is? I tell them I got to dad! Xanalu, I love your excitement! What do you wish that people knew about adoption? It's a good thing. You are so right! Do you have any other family members that were adopted?

23:43Cousin, Cousin Allie, Cousin Sally, Cousin Lucy, and Graham. Xana, you're so cute. Thanks for being on the podcast with us. Our last guest will be Hailey. Hailey, can you introduce yourself? My name is Hailey and the and part I got it from my birth mom because I'm adopted. I am eight. My favorite color is rainbow, counting in pink and magenta.

24:17But I like it with just the normal colors too. But sometimes I like to count in pink or magenta or both. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Hawaii. Because I've always wanted to go there. Can you tell us about your family? My brother is sometimes annoying and my sister, she plays with me the most. My father, he works a lot so he can give us the money and the food that we need.

24:52And my mom, she takes care of all of us and she's like the best in the family. Can you tell us a little bit about your adoption story? My birth mom and my birth dad was too young to take care of a baby. So then they tried to find the right family for me and then they got it. And so then I was born and I got adopted.

25:24What does open adoption mean to you, Hailey? It means like something like, it means like you get to call and text and visit. How do you feel about being adopted? I feel bad and good because of this like story. One of my sister's teachers said that adoption is bad. But being adopted is really fun.

25:58Like you have all this different personality from our family. Like a lot of family, like a lot. What do you wish that other people understood about adoption? So I wish that people knew how like awesome it is. Like yeah, you know, super fun being adopted, you have way more family and I love being adopted.

26:28I love being adopted too. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Well, that's a wrap for our interview podcast. Thank you to our eight friends who shared their feelings with us.

27:01It's really important to listen to adoptee kids and teens. This is our reality. This is how we feel. The better people understand how we feel, the better they can help us. Next week, my parents will be back with a new episode. They'll be talking to Caitlin. Caitlin is a birth mother and she shares her story. Thanks so much for listening. See you next time.

27:58Bye.

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