Building an Adoption Profile: A Birth Mom’s Tips

0:00Welcome to the Open Adoption Project. We're the Nelsons. I am Lanette. And I'm Shaun. In recognition of National Adoption Month, we have decided as a podcast family to create a little more content. Lanette and I and Alisha Gallagher, who is our Director of Communications, are doing some extra interviews and conversations with friends to help us in the adoption community learn more. So during the month of November, you can expect that we'll be in your newsfeed a little bit more. We hope that this is valuable to you and that it enriches your National Adoption Month.

0:36We are here on the podcast with Leah. Leah, we had a great episode with you a while ago where we heard more about your story. And today Leah is here to talk with us about some tips for adoptive parents creating profiles. So we'll jump into that in a second. Leah, do you want to tell us a bit about yourself first? Sure. So I'm a birth mom of 19 years and five kids that I parent. We've had an open adoption the whole time. So that's been a really incredible journey. And that led me to really have a heart for adoptive families because I was loved so well by my daughter's family.

1:13And just what is helpful to birth moms and educating from that perspective of what I've had. And so, you know, that's a natural step into the profile book and just why those I just find it really important because those are the first words that expectant moms read. And that's the first words that I read from my daughter's family and just how seen and loved I felt from the words there. And so I love to help families be able to figure out how to do that for for their journey and to write about themselves authentically and get their personalities in there and to be really sensitive to her.

1:57Because it's really hard. It's really it's it comes from really as a birth mother than expectant mother considering adoption. It's hard to admit that adoption is what is best right now and to pick up families, books of families. It is it's a very humbling place to be. And it's hard. It's like an add tangible action step of this is what I'm choosing. And that's really hard. So when when you are writing to her, considering where she is in that moment.

2:30And so I love to help families be able to do that in a very loving way and not just be like marketing. Pick me. Yeah, yeah, it's I think a really blurred line where it can feel very kind of almost icky, right, where it's just very advertising kind of cold. So, yeah, what would your tips be for adoptive parents as they're trying to build these profile books? The first one would be watching your language, making sure you're using positive adoption language.

3:02And when you're talking about her her child, it's it still is her child. So I really advise to when you're talking to her as a person throughout your book and talking about her child. And it's not your child yet. So that's one of the things that can feel really icky as an expectant mom. It's like, hold on a minute. This is my baby. I'm still making my decision. So you're really honoring her through your words and not baby claiming. That's a big, big icky thing that can come across. So watch your words.

3:36And the other tip would be making sure that your personality is shining through and you're authentic personality being if you are really funny, it's OK to put jokes in there. If you have a really outgoing personality, like make sure it feels outgoing and bubbly and welcoming. If you are very studious and serious, then it's OK if it's a little more reflective of that. Or you're really you know, I've had like maybe some teachers or things like that that are just so loving and welcoming.

4:11Or if your faith is a big part of your lifestyle, have that reflected in there. Just make sure that you are reflected and you're talking about your demeanor, your characteristics, your personalities so that she gets a picture of what you guys are like in her interactions with you and what to expect, but also how her child will be raised within within your personalities and with your home and into be authentic. And what you're sharing is that's really important that you're not presenting something that's not true or not completely accurate,

4:47that you are not saying something that you don't really mean, especially in regards to if you express having an open adoption, but you don't mean that or you can if you have a desire for open adoption, it's OK to it's good to express that and make start that conversation that this is your heart for it, but don't like make promises that you can't keep within it. So just be careful of that of that line and keep things.

5:19More on the general side until you have more conversation with her, but definitely express that desire if you do have that, if you're wanting that openness, share what you envision, what you envision within your relationship and what you hope for and leave space for her and her thoughts and feelings to. Another thing is to show examples and not just tell examples in the sense of like you're if you're saying, I'm so and so is very loving and funny and caring or whatever, like you're you're giving examples of how they show those things

5:59that you are helping create kind of scenes in her mind as she's reading so that it has a visual aspect to it that so that it just kind of brings it more to life and helps her to see how her child be raised in your home environment and how they will be raised and what's important to you and the things you do, your hobbies, your local area, those kinds of things. And it's good to have pictures to kind of bring that to life even more to you. So if you're talking about you go hiking once a month, you know, have pictures of you hiking with your dog or, you know,

6:31if you love baking, have a picture of you baking, those kinds of things. I think that's that's the majority of it. That's really I I really I think the hardest part is being able to talk about yourself in a humble way that doesn't feel that marketing like coldness. And so having the details helps to bring it more to life and to be more welcoming and comfortable.

7:04That's it feels more like a conversation rather than a resume. And so and I think the hardest part is probably typically the profile books I see have kind of like a hello introduction and like a closing letter. And those are probably the most emotional, heartfelt, hard parts to write. And just make sure you're focusing on her there because you have a whole book talking about yourself and you really want to set aside those times to talk to her and to love on her, empathize with her. And so. In general, that's what makes what I look for in profile books when I do reviews or do consultation calls, I help figure out those little unique details and pieces of what makes them who they are and getting the right person to be drawn to those to those things in the same vision.

7:54Fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing your expertise. It's clear that you work a lot with this and really know what you're talking about. So for any listeners who are prospective adoptive parents hoping to get some more personalized feedback, where would they be able to find you to sign up for a consultation? Yeah, on my website is Leah Outten dot com and you can find me on Instagram to at Leah Outten. Those are the best places you'll find me. Awesome. I would love to.

8:25Yeah, I think I would love to work with you. Yeah, I would love to work with with anybody who has questions and just it can be helpful to have someone who's been in the shoe that you said, like the someone who's been an effective mom. And I'm also a writer and editor, so I also do like reviews and things like that to help have an extra set of eyes for just that part of the tangible part of the process. So, yeah, I really, really enjoy this work. So it's it's been a it's been a rewarding experience to help other people know how to do that.

9:01Well, wonderful. Well, thank you so much for sharing with us. And for our listeners, please make sure you check out Leah's other episode. It was really wonderful to listen to her story. And we really appreciate you sharing some advice for us, too. Absolutely. Anytime. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Open Adoption Project. We hope you found this content helpful and enjoyable. If so, we'd love for you to share it with a friend or an acquaintance that it might help.

9:34We'd also love to connect with you on social media or on Instagram at Open Adoption Project, or you can look us up on our website, OpenAdoptionProject.org. Thanks so much for being here with us and learning with us.

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