The Power of Support with Janelle Basham, Executive Director of Brave Love

0:00Here I am 16 years old and clueless on what to do. And she just made me feel like I had value. It was a simple response that showed respect and value. Welcome to The Open Adoption Project. This is episode 121. We're The Nelsons. I'm Lanette. And I'm Shaun. We're so glad to be back in your podcast feed. We've been really busy with a lot

0:31of different things in life. And we did not intend to take a six month break. Whoops. Whoops. But we're back. And we have actually already pre -recorded more than a half a dozen episodes that will come out over the next several weeks. So plan on hearing from us every other week again through the end of the year. We're really happy to be back. Today we're talking to Janelle Basham. She's the executive director of Brave Love. Now Brave Love is a nonprofit and its mission is

1:04really to change perceptions of adoption through storytelling, education, and support. And it's a nonprofit that's focused on birth parents and their experiences. Yeah, Janelle lives in Virginia. and she brings both this professional expertise and a deep personal experience to her role as an executive director because not only does she lead with love and and is a great person but also she's also a birth mother and so in this

1:34role she has a That's a really unique perspective. So as you know, on the podcast, we love sharing a wide range of experiences and we feel like this is a really unique and valuable experience. Janelle and Brave Love are really focused on offering support for birth parents in the adoption community. And that can be so overlooked so often, way too often. And so we feel like this is really needed, really valuable and We're so grateful

2:04for the opportunity to talk with her and share her experiences and her perspectives, both on a personal level and through a professional lens. Awesome. So whether you're on a run, listening in your car. Just chilling at your house, hopefully you can settle in and listen to this wonderful conversation that we have with Janelle. Listening and learning to people's experiences in adoption is really valuable and we're so grateful that she was willing to share with us and our community. So we'll jump to that conversation now. Well,

2:43we are now here on the podcast with Janelle Basham, and we are super excited to be with you. Thank you so much for being with us. I am super excited to be here with you all. Well, and help our listeners get to know a little bit about you and your connection to the adoption world. I mean, really, how long is this podcast? Because my adoption journey starts like 32 years ago. So depending on how much time we have, just kidding, I am in Virginia. I am a proud birth mom of a 31 year old daughter,

3:16Katherine, and she has made me a grandmother. So I also am a, I hate this title, but birth grandma. after so many generations go by, you just drop the birth. I'm a grandma. You're a grandma. Yeah, totally. So very, very proud of her and her son. They were here this weekend, so that's why it's like, I'm just beaming still from that. I have been married for over 25 years. Again, I'm to that stage of life where... I don't

3:46really remember how many years, but I'm in a good marriage, so I'm good. I don't remember how many years I've been married. And we have two children, Carson and Emma, who are just the joys of our lives. My career has been interesting through the years, which has taken me now to being the executive director of Brave Love, which is such an honor. It's just... It's just an honor to sit in this role and be connected with birth mothers, be a voice for them, be an advocate for them, and to see changes happening in the

4:18adoption world. So my adoption journey starts as a pregnant 17 -year -old who didn't know what to do, and here I am 31, 32 years later, in a place I never thought I would be. We often get to the place where we never imagined we would be. That's the journey in life, right? What an experience to get where you are and to become who you've become. Yeah, it was really cool this last weekend. I was working on a project and

4:49we were capturing the stories of birth moms, adoptees, adoptive parents and talking about communication and adoption. And my daughter, Catherine, was being recorded from her perspective. And they also had captured my story. And it was just a very surreal moment. I was sitting on the floor with my grandson and watching her share. And I was like, if you would have told me 31, 32 years ago that this is where I would be today, I would have thought there's no way just to have

5:19the opportunity to sit next to this precious life and listen to his mom talk just blew me away. That's beautiful. Yes, so we have followed Brave Love for years and the work that you do in the community. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'm really curious. How do you feel like being a birth mom has shaped your identity over the years and led you to where you are now? You know, I think being a birth mom, it changes through the years. And for me, you know, I'm 49 years old. And so I've

5:52come to this place where When I was, after the placement had happened, it was like I just, I didn't want to be defined by this experience that I had been through. It was like, I am more than adoption. I am, you know, I have so many other titles, but now I'm really, really proud of that title. I'm proud to be a mom. I'm proud to be everything else. But to sit with such confidence

6:22and be free of the shame and say, I'm a birth mom, you know, I've got a really, really thick skin. And I think part of that thick skin comes along with knowing there's other women out there that aren't there yet. And so I, as a birth mom, want to see those conversations keep happening. I find myself as a birth mom through the years, my determination is just like, this is my why.

6:53This is why I get up every day for the birth mom and the adoption community to say like changes have happened. You know, I started this in 1993, 94. And to see where we are now today, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I can't wait in 30 years to see where we are. And if I and brave love can be a part of that change, like I just want to see it keep happening. So I think determination, thick skin. And then I have such a deep appreciation for. The women who came before me, so I. The

7:28book The Girls That Went Away. It's so, so powerful. And I actually went through a maternity home during my pregnancy. And so reading that and seeing where they were in the 60s, 70s, where I was in the 90s, where it's headed to today, I have such an appreciation for those women who were brave enough to stand up and say, changes need to happen. Because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be where I am. And I just see it like,

8:00that appreciation, I want to carry that on for the next era of birth moms to be able to look back and say, you know, to us, thank you so much. So I think when I was younger in this journey, I didn't want adoption to define me. And now I think adoption has shaped so much of my identity. It is very much who I am and who I am supposed to be. That's beautiful and well put. It's very,

8:30from your description, a very transformative process. You come to different realizations and understanding and acceptance. I imagine throughout your journey, you've had the opportunity to try to educate and help people understand what it is like to be a birth mother. What do you wish that more people understood or knew about being a birth mom? Gosh, it's always changing. I think, you know, people look at birth moms with all

9:02different biases and where do they come from? And I wish people were just kind. And that sounds so generic, but that came, that comment comes from a birth mom, Wendy, who we did an interview with her and she just said in her interview, she's like, just be kind. We have a lot on our shoulders and what we're carrying on our shoulders. Can't be seen and can't be understood by people outside of our community So I think for me, I

9:32just I wish people knew that There's so much to us We're so strong, but yet we're so weak I think it's really sometimes tough to sit there and people say things like you're so brave you're so loving and it's like wow i really didn't feel brave when i was in making an adoption plan i i felt the lesser of i felt shame um and so i

10:04think what i want people to know is that we just need understanding we just need some compassion and some kindness um When you asked that question, it just kind of took me back I stood in front of a group a few months ago and Asked the question when I say birth mom what words come to mind and You know, I'll throw I'll throw that question at you guys when I say birth mom what what words come to mind From our perspective now. Yes, I

10:39want to hear it. Give me honestly, I feel like The easiest way to explain my relationship with my kids birth moms is that they have become sisters to me. And so honestly, the first word that comes to me is sisters. Like, I love that. I love that. So many words like words descriptors come to mind. Selfless and caring and loving and strong. Those are all that I see. And I mean, there are

11:12moments too, I mean, in our personal experiences where, and you alluded to these words too, but like, you know, the sense of not knowing what's next and uncomfortable and a little scared. And you had, so it's this balance of these amazing women. Strong and courageous, but also are facing this huge decision in crisis. Yeah Well, it was

11:44it was interesting because I stood in front of this group of people and I gave this Question out to the crowd and I said what what words come to mind and I heard inconsistent drug addicts, you know all these words and I just thought oh my gosh, I hope my daughter never heard those words And I think it's really cool that we can have this conversation here, but we're a part of the adoption community. So is this how other people think about birth moms? So it just it

12:18brought an awareness to me that, you know, in the adoption bubble, it's a very safe place. I shouldn't say it is. A lot of times it's a very safe place for a birth parent. But outside of there, there is still so much shame that goes along. was being a birth parent. Now, I am at a place where I could then grab the mic and say, Hi, my name is Janelle and I'm a birth mom and everybody's face just drops. But and I kind of enjoyed that. But it's just sad and I wish people

12:49could understand that even though I'm this person I am today, at one point in my life, I was a 16 year old girl that just got pregnant and everybody saw. in my town, everybody saw my issues, everybody saw my pain, and that never goes away. Even though I'm free of the shame, it takes just one thing to take me right back there. So I wish people realized and had some compassion on the emotional roller coaster that birth moms can go through. All right. Well, I remembered two things. So

13:21the first time that we were talking with a mother who was considering adoption, she ended up not placing with us. But it was right after we had gotten approved. And it was this young mom who had just found herself pregnant and was trying to figure out what to do. And we just started talking on the phone with her. This was before texting was really prevalent or anything. So we were mostly just talking on the phone. And it was amazing how we'd already had a lot of trainings where we thought we understood like these beautiful, wonderful people that the stigmas

13:53are not correct, but having the actual relationship is what really helped. changed that for us even though she ended up not choosing adoption in the end. Having this experience where we build a friendship like a genuine connection with a mother who was considering adoption helped really humanize her and then when she chose to parent we were so happy for her and it just changed how we thought about these mothers. I also remember when one of our older kids was about one year old, he was one year old, we had had a birthday

14:24party. His birth mom came to his party and I just remember she was helping him drink out of a cup and helping him eat watermelon. It was super cute. And I just remember looking at her and thinking she is an amazing mother. Even though she's currently parenting, she has those traits. Like there is nothing about me that's really better. I'm just like, yeah, the one who is in a better situation at that moment. But it was really a humbling moment for me to recognize

14:54what an incredible mother she was and that it wasn't really that I had more to offer. It was just, yeah, almost like, yeah, it's just such a challenging thing. And so I think that going in with that humility can really change how we see these mothers too. Yeah. And I think one of my goals is that as the adoption community grows stronger, is that adoptive parents and birth parents can start to see each other in

15:26that way, because adoption is built on loss and pain and hurt. And it's like, hey, we can come to a place of understanding and grow a foundation that'll impact generations to come. Yeah. So with all of that in mind, I feel like something that comes up a lot is that these birth mothers or expectant mothers considering adoption, they often don't have the support that they need. to parent, or they don't have the support they need to place. Like, they just really lack support

15:57in all of these different options as they're trying to figure out what to do. So for you, what kind of support do you wish you had had when you were making this decision? And then how can we go forward and offer better support in the future? Yeah, that's such a tough question. And this is one of the areas where I say that I'm very lucky. And when I say that, that also makes me feel very sad because every woman should

16:28have the experience, the level of support that I did. So I was at a maternity home. And let me back up a little bit. If I look back over my life, there were nuggets from the very, very beginning. where I was exposed to very positive adoption experiences. And also experiences of teenagers that were getting pregnant, that I

16:59was kind of watching them. And now looking back with hindsight, I can say like, oh, wow, there was a much bigger picture here. You know, was this a God thing? What was going on? But I was very lucky to have a mom and dad that said, anything that you decide to do, we support you. At 16, 17 years old, I don't, you know, what does that really mean? Is that like a pat on the back? Is that, you know, financially providing for me? But I was at a place where I knew I wasn't

17:33the best option and she deserved the absolute best. Now, What's really cool is I went back later and became the director of that maternity home and made a lot of changes. So put a lot of support in for women who wanted to make parenting plans who didn't have as much support, connecting them with other resources. And when I was pregnant, those resources weren't there to successfully

18:03parent as a young woman. So I'm very thankful that just as a culture we've changed to help women parent. And I think it's really neat when you look at my own story and my own daughter, who is now a successful single mom. So a few weeks ago, I was at a conference and a woman came up to me and she's like, but do you want to see more adoptions happen? And it kind of

18:33took me off guard because Just assume like people know my story. I don't know. It just it caught me off guard. I was like, well, no I don't want more adoptions to happen and Immediately in my head. I just thought of my daughter I was like why would I want anyone to have to go through that pain and that loss and that you know all those unknowns And so I'm really thankful that there there is more support for women But there needs to be more For sure. I think for the birth

19:05mom community, we're moving in the right direction. I've really loved watching other birth moms step up through the years and say, hey, I'm going to start this organization, or we're going to do retreats over here, or I start a Facebook group. And I just want to see those continuing to grow and to support those women because they understand Agencies can support like I am NOT bashing an adoption agency at all I worked in adoption for a long time and a lot of my support came from the adoption agency and Still to this

19:38day if I called them and said hey, I need support like No questions asked. Come on in. Let's meet for coffee. Whatever But there's something really special about birth mom supporting each other. So one of the things that Brave Love is passionate about is our birth mother dinners that we host twice a year. And so I hope that any birth mom that's listening that wants to get connected with other birth parents will reach out and say, like, OK, tell me more about these dinners because they're there's such a neat opportunity to connect

20:09with other birth moms. But as for support, I think. the very tangible things, we're moving in a positive direction to help women. But I think also like medical professionals, they need to be educated better on how do you talk to these women? Yeah, we have a lot of work still to do. So I wish I could say like, oh, A, B and C, this is what we need. But I'm still trying to define

20:41that. And I think everybody still is. You know, I'll tell you when I found out I was pregnant I was terrified. I was 16 years old It's like what what's even going on with my body what's gonna happen? And I went to my very first OBGYN appointment Terrified and was in the room And the the doctor just said basically, you know, what are your plans? She was probably just Fiddling around doing something at the desk or I don't

21:11know but she this is what I remember. She said what are your plans? I said, oh, I'm planning on going to this maternity home I'm looking into adoption and all she said was really sounds like you've thought through your options and That's all it took that set the bar really really high for She respects me here. I am 16 years old and clueless on what to do And she just made me feel like I had value. I can't say that that's how

21:42it went the whole way through my pregnancy and beyond, but the fact that she was able to do that proves to me that every other medical professional can do the same. It was a simple response that showed respect and value. I really love that example. Thank you. Yeah. And I wish I knew her name because I would write her a letter. I haven't even put that down many years later. Right? We know that birth parents face a lot of challenges

22:12in, you know, in and out of the adoption community. But what would you say are some of the hardest things about being a birth mother? Yeah, you know, people don't know what to say to us. You know, when they It's just weird. We're a part of a club that nobody wants to be a part of. And so I think one of the hardest things is just

22:45navigating life and trying to act like it's normal, which now, however many years later in my life, like it's normal now. But it took me 30 years to feel like, okay, this is normal. My daughter who is now 22 and amazing when she was in elementary school Probably kindergarten we were walking into the elementary school with tons of doughnuts for my son's class and Another mom's walking

23:17out and I don't even remember if I knew this woman It was just like oh we ran into each other at the door and she's like, oh my how many children do you have and that question is just like Ouch. And so trying to get my composure, realizing my daughter is looking at me and I'm like, Oh, my husband and I, we have two children. Like I came out with my, here it is. And my daughter's like, and she gave one away. And so that moment

23:50of like, Oh my gosh. Oh my word. And That's just what my young daughter chose to say in that awkward moment. And I was like, have a good day. So I'm walking away, but it's those awkward moments of everybody doesn't have to understand and you're going to be okay. And you can hold your head up high. And if I was in that situation again, now I would just be like, yeah, I'm a birth mom

24:20and just keep on walking. But to get to that point, It's hard, it's so, so hard. So navigating adoption, sometimes it's like walking on eggshells because as we go through life, it's, okay, how do you date after adoption? How do you have the conversation with his family that you've... placed

24:52a child for adoption. How do you educate your kids on adoption? When you go to your next doctor's appointment, when you're pregnant again, and they say, oh, have you had any children? And you're sitting there awkward. There's just so many awkward moments that come along with being a birth mom. But with time, it helps to find you. And it becomes like a pride thing of almost being really comfortable in those uncomfortable moments and realizing the other person's uncomfortable

25:24and I'm fine. Yeah. And sometimes kids help in that situation, making these simple things very complicated. I can recall one time we were at the grocery store and we were hoping to adopt again. And I think our daughter may have been three or four, pretty young. And she walked up to a woman that was expecting and asked if we could have her baby. That is so nice. We then had to explain why my daughter was asking and

25:55you know it starts some great conversations sometimes. So awkward. Well it's good to know that adoptive parents have awkward conversations and so do birth parents. So going back to support systems if you don't mind I would love to talk more about that. Absolutely. Okay thanks. So as we think about different support systems like counseling, therapy, openness, like open it up. Yes. Yeah. Do you have any particular thoughts on what do

26:26you think is most helpful or what's, what's, what's helpful? I don't want to box it in too much. Yeah. You know, I, two things come to mind. Number one, community. Everybody needs community, people that understand what you're going through this, you know, speak a language without even having to say the words. And then I mean, Therapy. I am a big believer that therapy can walk you through so much in life, give you different perspectives.

26:58For birth moms, I think it's really, really important to find someone who is competent in adoption issues. I, in my own personal life, I went through some things. My dad has dementia and stuff that has nothing to do with adoption. And I went to counseling and somehow the counselor brought it back to, there's a hole in your heart that's never been filled because you placed this child

27:28for adoption. And I'm sitting here thinking, that has nothing to do with why I'm here. And I never went back to that person. And it made me see how people can attach to like, oh, you're a birth mom. Let's dig into this issue when that's really not the issue. So I think it's so important to find someone who can help navigate issues, whether it's around adoption or not. Have a safe person that you can talk to. Because as a birth

28:00parent like I said before it sometimes it is like walking on eggshells as you're navigating communication with the adoptive parents or maybe even the birth father or or whoever and so having that safe person whether a therapist or a good friend Who can help you? See different perspectives and give poor into you It's so important, but I mean really I just think community is so, so

28:30important for birth parents. So important. So how do you feel like brave love fits into that? Like I know you're creating a community, but what does that look like for the listener who isn't aware of brave love and doesn't know maybe your vision? Can you help us catch that? I can, I can. So we want to Our mission is basically to change the perception of adoption by equipping professional with really good resources as they're working with these expectant moms. So the OBGYNs,

29:03the pregnancy crisis care centers, we want to give them information that is sound, that is honest about what modern adoption looks like. We want to educate. the public, the community, through dynamic storytelling. So really, we capture the stories and videos and written stories of women sharing from their perspective what adoption was like. And we hear all the time from women all across the country, even internationally,

29:34that I connected with another birth mom. I read her story and I felt like I wasn't alone. And so I think that's one way where we're fostering community. Then also creating actual face -to -face community through our birth mother dinners We're doing something new. We're just launching a pilot program where we're actually gonna have totes for women when they're in the hospital full of resources Little things that birth moms have said like I wish I would have known that

30:05when I was in the hospital and something as simple as We're putting a ziplock bag in those totes And the Ziploc bag is something that the birth mom can put the baby blanket in, take it home. It's going to keep the scent in it. But who would have thought of that other than another birth mom? So all things in these totes were all chosen by birth moms. There's notes from birth moms like this isn't a care package of we hope you feel better. It's like you've made this really

30:35tough decision. Let's give you some little nuggets to help you be able. to put your feet on the ground tomorrow and step forward. So community is not only sitting at the table together, it's also birth moms coming together to say, how can we support each other? It's beautiful. Do you feel like you had that community with other birth mothers throughout your journey, or is that something that came later? So again, this is where I feel really, really lucky. One of the Brave Love team

31:06members is also a birth mom. And she'll say it was 15 years until she met another birth mom. And that just shook me to the core. I was like, oh, my gosh. I don't in my area, because there was a maternity home here. There's a very active adoption agency that has a lot of support for the birth parent community. Like some of my dearest friends are birth moms. And so. If I could just bring that to every other birth mom, I think

31:38that's where I feel very honored to sit in this role and say, I have that and we can create that for other women too. Is it always perfect? No, but I am just, I feel so lucky and it's like, let's just create this all across the country for other women to be able to move forward. So when you were in the maternity home, what did your relationship with other girls there or other

32:08women there look like? And are you still connected to anybody from that experience? Oh, yes. So the maternity home, like maternity homes don't look like that anymore. So when I was there, there was like 15 girls at a time. And how crazy did it look when we all went out in public, you know, these and we were teenagers. So all, you

32:38know, waddling down the street like don't drink the water after them. Just stay away kind of thing. So I'm sure we looked bizarre going to church and all sitting in the same pew together. But it really was a neat opportunity. Yes, there's crazy stories that I can tell you, but to sit there and be in a. in a home with other girls who were going through the same thing that you were. Crazy stories, crazy experiences, lots

33:10of laughter, lots of tears. And I think that's where I grasp the importance of community. I chose to go to the maternity home because staying at home wasn't a healthy spot for me. So going to a maternity home was a safe haven for me. And most of the girls in the maternity home parented. We had the opportunity to go through parenting class and adoption class and decision making class and just about every class possible. And

33:43so when I was ready to make my adoption plan, I felt very educated and very aware of what my rights were. But then I also had a parenting plan in the back of my head. And while being in this maternity home, everybody else had to take these classes. So we all understood what everyone was doing. So there wasn't that like, well, you don't love your child. So why would you do that? Kind of like those comments, they just didn't exist. And maybe I was just there

34:13during a really special time. The roommate, my roommate from the maternity home still lives in town. So I might run into her at Target or we see each other on Facebook and send a message to each other. But it's really cool that it's been 30 years and I'm still connected to a lot of those those women. And for me, I in my career. I went from the maternity home to college, and

34:44then I went to work for the adoption agency that I used for the placement of my daughter. And it's just unbelievable to, I've worked there for 11 years, and then I went to be the director of the maternity home. And those relationships just continued. through the years. And one of my roles while working at the adoption agency was search and reunion. So I also had the incredible honor to reunite some of those women with their

35:19children. And it's just like, what an honor, like what an honor. And there was a lot of hurt there, but to just sit with other birth moms and say like, Hey, this is going to be hard. I'm going to walk you through it. I mean, it's, it's, it's community. It's being with each other and just being present. It's beautiful. Thank you. So if you could speak directly to someone who's considering placement, considering adoption,

35:51what would you want them to hear? Oh, it's going to be so hard. I would only want them to hear. That I support them in whatever they choose to do because it is totally their decision and There's gonna be good days and there's gonna be bad days whether you make a parenting plan or an adoption plan like it's going to be hard But I would want any woman making that decision to know like you

36:23are not alone and if that is helping her create a parenting plan, if that's helping her create an adoption plan, I just don't want her to feel like she doesn't have the tools to make a good plan. I laugh, one of my phrases is like, being a birth mom puts you in a club that nobody wants to be a part of. And at the same time, sometimes when you're sitting there with other women, you just sit there and you're in all of them and be like, oh my word, you are amazing. If you

36:57haven't had a chance to look at our video, our story of Mary Alice, I highly, highly recommend it. She is an amazing woman. She's probably in her 70s, even though she looks like she's in her 50s. And she talks about what adoption was like for her. And I don't want to tell you the whole story, but - We'll put a link in the show notes. Okay, so you definitely - So our listeners can go listen. Yeah. So I met Mary Alice before

37:28I even joined the Brave Love team. I met her at a Brave Love birth mom dinner and I just like fell in love with her. Like her joy and her determination is just beautiful. And just I mean, just to sit with her, it was just an honor. And then joining the the Brave Love team and we're trying to figure out, okay, what are we going to do for videos? Who are we going to capture? And I was like, Mary Alice, we've got to get Mary Alice because

38:01she is part of an era that the stories have to be heard. So history doesn't repeat itself. Um, and so I think going back to your question of what would I want people to hear, I would want them to hear Mary Alice's story and See that she never gave up And to see the love that she has and to see Her redemption story I just I

38:34would want anybody making Potentially making an adoption plan to connect with other birth moms and hear their stories and hear the good stuff and the bad stuff and Yeah, be plugged in with other birth moms for sure It's great advice. And there are a lot of online communities and obviously in the larger populated places, places where they can actually connect together and be with each other. And I think from our perspective as well, we would recommend that

39:04highly. And I think to, you know, going back to if I was sitting knee to knee with a woman, I think it would also be like, okay, let me tell you how to advocate for yourself. This is how you do the hard work and it's worth the hard work is worth it. This is what you look for in an agency. This is what you look for. Like these are your rights. What do you want in an adoptive family? Tell me what do you really want for communication?

39:34Like I would really do that hard, hard work and really think through. Last weekend when I was being interviewed, It kind of hit me that I was doing that hard work when I was 17 years old I had no idea what I was doing I was writing a communication contract or a communication agreement at 17 years old trying to figure out What do I want in 10 years? I had no idea and so I'm really thankful that I had a social worker that

40:04was like hey You are going to be going through this journey for the next 18 because the laws back then were different. You're going to be going through this for 18 years and you're going to be reevaluating. You're going to be readjusting. Life is going to go on. Your life is going to get busy there. And so being able to adjust, I just, I would love to sit with a woman making this decision and say like, this is how you do the hard work. I think we can talk to you all

40:34day. This has been fun. Um, is there anything that we haven't addressed? that is just something that you want this community that will that will listen to this episode to know. Yeah, I. I'm all about connections and I'm all about embracing healing because healing from adoption is lifelong, like the traumas with us forever. And to say like everything is great and adoption is what rainbows and unicorns, that's just not reality.

41:04And so I think, you know, just to to. Connect, I'm going to say it again, connect and community. So following us on social media at join brave love, listening to the stories, asking questions, being a part of the conversations. It's it's awesome. It's awesome. I send out newsletters to to our birth mom community. And so I sent out a big email a couple of weeks ago about like, hey, what should we put on the put in these totes? And the feedback was like, oh, my word. We're

41:37doing the hard work. The birth moms are saying like, hey, this is what needs to change. And so what I would love for people to do, birth moms, is to connect with us on social media. And then of course, it takes a village. So anybody that wants to be a part of this community, just connect with us, share our stories. Adoptive parents, come and listen and learn. Yeah, and find out what the birth mom community is all

42:07about. I love that you said that at that last part, because I mean, I think of this a lot from the adoptive parent side, right? And what I wish I had known, what I did get exposed to when we were starting this journey. And as a podcast, one of our primary objectives is to amplify adoptees voices, right? And as those who are considering adoption hear experiences from adoptees and their feelings and their situations and circumstances and who they've become and what that's looked

42:38like and felt like. Educating ourselves that way is super important, but I think you're absolutely right that we as adoptive parents need to listen to this really important voice even before we make the decision for sure now if this is the path that we want to go down. Absolutely. And I think for me too, what I have raised and really seen firsthand is understanding the birth parents is honoring the child. So the minute you, the

43:13minute the adoptive parents are comfortable and are connected with the birth parents, you are honoring that child and saying your heritage and your identity is awesome and there's no shame there no matter what the story is like the birth parents could have some really hard stuff but if the adoptive parents are okay with that that is such a gift to that child to say like there's no shame here in your story there's no shame with your birth parents you are valuable just

43:43like your birth parents are so connecting with brave love and like hearing those stories We welcome it. Please, come learn. Come learn from us. Janelle, thank you so much. We have loved talking to you. It has been such a treat. Thank you so much. We'll be sure to point people in your direction, social media -wise, and just to foster more connection, how we can. Absolutely. And please watch Mary Alice's video. It's lovely.

44:22I really enjoyed our discussion with Janelle. Me too. She is a very authentic, genuine person. You can tell that she's passionate about helping others, helping birth mothers and mothers who end up deciding to parent who might have considered adoption and end up deciding a different choice is right for them. I just feel so much authentic, genuine care from her for this community. I think that is so important. Yeah, and even off off air when we were talking before and after a recording.

44:54It was just super easy to connect with her. She's so loving and caring. And as you heard in this episode, she has so much to offer from her individual experience and also the perspective that she has as the executive director of Bread Love. We're so grateful for everything that she's shared with us today. And hopefully those of you that are listening are feeling inspired to. approach a relationship differently or to support someone else differently and that these words from Janelle

45:24can sink in. Yeah and connecting with the organization Brave Love is something else that could be a great takeaway from this episode if that feels applicable and helpful for you. I loved her admonition that we should go forward and listen to more birth parent experiences and really have that open -hearted mind to listen. That's really one of our goals on the podcast and so I loved that she said that. I loved her pointing us toward listening to some specific experiences on the

45:57Brave Love website and I just think there is so much value in hearing people's personal stories. because I think that really can change our hearts and help us connect better. Yeah, for sure. Well, you can check out the show notes to this episode for some specific links to resources connecting you to Janelle and Brave Love and some of the stories that you recommended. Thank you for listening to this episode and welcome back to the Open Adoption Project. Yeah, so just a couple of quick

46:27notes. If you are interested in sharing your own adoption experience on the podcast, if you are an adoptee or a birth parent, we would love to have you on the show. We are always happy to share any perspectives that people want to share on the show as adoptees and birth parents. And so please reach out to us. You can email us at openadoptionproject at gmail .com and we would love to get you on air. Really, being able to hear people's experiences is a huge gift.

46:58We're not entitled to hear people's adoption experiences, but when they do feel comfortable sharing those, it can be such a valuable learning experience. I know that it really helps me in my relationships and adoption and in connecting with others. so incredibly valuable and so we really hold that privilege sacred and feel so thankful for those who are comfortable and willing to share on the show. It really just benefits

47:29us so much and I hope that it's benefiting you too. So thanks again Janelle for sharing your experience and thanks to each of you for listening to this episode. We'll see you back in a few weeks.

Transcripts are generated automatically and may contain errors.